How Do You Decide What Music To Let Your Child Listen To?
POSTED IN: Authenticity, Culture, Family, Music
My daughter Chloe (7) is definitely like her Dad. She already loves music from an early age and always has her iTunes playlist jamming when she’s on the computer (gets that from me). Like any young girl she likes the girl-band, pop-rock sound (she didn’t get that from me. Unless you count that one song…nevermind).
I’m trying to have frank discussions with Chloe at an early age to help her to be critical and discerning about what she listens to rather than blindly loading up her playlist with music that contradicts the values we’re trying to instill in her. Thank God for artists like Superchick who have amazing musical talent, a great sound that kids and adults alike will love and relevant lyrics.
Before we buy anything on iTunes I always sit down with Chloe and look up the lyrics to the song first so we can have a discussion about the message. As much as I would like them to, today’s songs for girls don’t talk about rainbows and ponies anymore. Consider the message of this song:
The seven things I hate about you
You’re vain,
Your games,
You’re insecure,
You love me, you like her,
You made me laugh, you made me cry,
I don’t know which side to buy
Your friends, they’re jerks,
when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you.
Seriously? I want my 7-year-old getting the message that it’s ok to fall for vain, insecure, two-timing, two-faced jerks? As a dad to two daughters let me just say…Hell no!! Those are the kind of guys I plan on greeting at the door with my shotgun.
When examining music I also try to be conscious of how old she is. She’s 7 years old, not 17. She doesn’t need to be listening to all the boy-girl, first-love, I-have-a-crush crap that the pre-teen music market is filled with these days. Why aren’t there more artists like Superchick with songs like this?
You need that boy like a bowling ball
Dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live
To waste your time on him
It would be so much easier to revert to my legalistic days and separate everything into “christian” and “secular” music but it’s just not that simple. That same artist who sings the ‘7 Things’ song also has some songs with good messages that I do let Chloe listen to.
So I’m looking for your honest opinion.
As a parent, how do you decide what music to let your child listen to?
What musical standards/guidelines have you established?
What do you look for in good music for your kids?
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July 30, 2008
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That’s tough! So far my kids have only really been interested in the songs they hear at movies like Shrek and Cars. I like your method of reviewing the lyrics, especially at age 7! Emily (via Pastor Pete’s blog)
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July 30, 2008
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We usually listen to the song, check out the lyrics & only buy the ones we approve. My oldest hears other songs talked about at school & such, but understands that our family just has diff. rules.
Although she loves Madonna’s material girl…
The 2 younger ones only know what we give them.
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July 30, 2008
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Brad.. great post. I just finished reading Brent’s post.
But Madi is only 3 so she still only gets into the songs we listen to. That is a really good idea to sit down with your girls and show them what they are really listening to. I am going to have to remember that when Madi is older.
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July 30, 2008
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You guys bring up a good point – for all you parents with younger kids who aren’t into all the new music yet, remember, your kids will start with the music you give them. Sure they’re going to find new artists and albums at school but it’s WAY easier if you lay a good foundation to begin with.
That’s why I’m trying so hard to find good music and load up Chloe’s iTunes with it. She’s like me, she doesn’t want to just listen to the same stuff over and over. She likes new music.
Parents of young kids or future parents, pay attention to the suggestions offered in these comments!
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July 30, 2008
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yea, we’re still in the early stages with music. they like the kids tunes still, and they also love the worship music they hear at church, so we try to get some of that. but i know i will need to set some firm boundaries soon. i need to be sure i have them to so my kids don’t see inconsistencies. i’m against categorizing things (music, movies, websites, etc)as “adult” when they really are just inappropriate for any age.
oh, and i was wondering which model of shotgun you recommend?
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July 30, 2008
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@Nate – doesn’t matter, any one will do to scare them off!
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July 30, 2008
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I have 2 teenagers and one 7 year old.
Music is a little tricky.
My oldest son (15) is into screamo. A very dark kind of music. One day he shared the lyrics and I had to vomit.
So with the help of a Christian friend who loves that type of music we found the cristian alternative to that syle. Now instead of listening to the dark screamo, he listens to it with a christian meaning.
This was an awesome moment and a good compromise.
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July 30, 2008
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great thoughts man. this something i will have to think about since i will be having a kid soon.
how about just allowing them to listen to classical? that would work
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July 30, 2008
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@bush – There ya go! Classical music! You just can’t go wrong with Bach and Beethoven! Now, I’ve just got to convince my 7-year-old to listen to it.
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July 30, 2008
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Good reminder about what we are teaching with music!!!
BA
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July 30, 2008
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So far, we’ve successfully convinced my 6 year old daughter that Hannah Montana is Satan.
Seriously…she doesn’t even know what the radio is. And not in an amish way…just very aware what she listens to and it’s helping us raise our kids…
Not Miley. Or her dad.
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July 30, 2008
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Honey, it is your DNA that makes music an issue at 7 years old. Chloe doesn’t like to listen to the same music all the time. It’s all that creativity she gets from you!
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July 30, 2008
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My kids love to listen to Frank Sinatra & Tony Bennett. Manhatten Transfer is also a fave. Anything from the 50’s is pretty much ok w/ us.
The most listened to on their ipods? Worship (awww..sigh), John Lithgow’s Singing in the Bathtub, Philadelphia Chickens, Disney’s Ariel songs, VeggieRocks.
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July 30, 2008
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@Mandy – Are you serious? Sinatra and Bennett? Your kids are awesome! I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to wait at least until my girls are in their 20s before they start appreciating good jazz or oldies.
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July 30, 2008
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I love this post.
I make a play list on my computer – my kids are 8, 6 and 5 – and we listen to it all together. Then I will load that on the little shuffle that they all share. We don’t even listen to the radio. I make mixed CDs. Our list have – Neil Diamond, Bon Jovi, Patsy Cline, Mika, Praise and Worship, Michael Jackson, John Denver, The Beatles, Elton John, Elvis Presley, Kanas, Switchfoot … just a bunch of random artist and songs that I approve – so hopefully they will appreciate a variety of music.
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July 30, 2008
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as i’ve said before, i’ve got 6 daughters. the oldest is the same age as your chloe. so this is going to become a big issue for our household in the years to come.
right now we mostly just listen to christian radio, in fact my anna has signed up to be in the music advisory panel for our local station. she loves sampling and rating the songs and giving her opinion and knowing it affects what we hear on the radio later.
and just like you i used to be much more rigid in my classifications of “is this music christian or secular?” but now not so much.
perhaps you could jump on pandora.com and put in some of chloe’s favorite songs/artists and get other suggestions. (for those unfamiliar with pandora it’s a service that streams music to you based on your likes or dislikes of the songs you tell it or rate)
naturally this will only offer you more choices of artists, it doesn’t analyze the song by lyrics, only by musical style. so some of the suggestions it offers still may not have the best message, but it’s as easy as clicking the thumbs down to get it out of the playlist. and it may open you up to other artists like superchic[k] and the likes.
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July 30, 2008
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Professor Ruggles this is great stuff…keep it coming…I’ve got my notepad out and am taking notes, Hailey is a week old and she is into some freaky music
I’ve got to be prepared when she hits 7!
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you try to give your daughter music that reinforces the values that you are trying to teach her, I think that is our goal with my 5 year old son right now. Sometimes that means being aware of what is playing in the car. Its easy to let a song go past when you are driving alone, but we have had our son surprise us with his rendition of “Riding Dirty” “Cyclone” and other lovely top 40 hits we let slip by while he was with us, we are much more aware now of what is coming on.
Gavin loves to dance and he found two Mexican music stations on the digital music channels on tv that he loves to dance to, so right now I think we are cool until he speaks more fluid Spanish.
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July 30, 2008
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off topic – but wondering why “CommentLuv” doesn’t show my most recent blog post? or can i only see other people’s?
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July 30, 2008
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@abelara – Not sure. CommentLuv is a little hit and miss at times. Maybe something with your RSS feed? Sometimes if it takes too long to load it will time out.
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July 30, 2008
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oh bless your heart abraham. SIX daughters???
ok. so. brad. it seems we’re doing the same thing you’re doing. our thoughts on this is simple too. its the lyric content we’re concerned with. not necessarily if its “christian” or not.
kassidi, our 14 yr old, used to have a michelle branch album on her ipod. we think shes a great artist and vocalist. one day, kass and i were in the car beltin out one of branch’s tunes and i realized what we were BOTH singing…and i how i had heard kass, before that moment, singing the lyrics to this tune over and over as she hung out in her room. she was repeating to herself that its ok to have a one night stand, as long as you love each other. um. oops. i dont think so. brent and i went thru that album and took off the things that went against our moral standards and what we believe. she was left with a few branch tunes and was very happy. we discussed it with her and she understood. we told her that when you put ‘garbage’ in, garbage will come out.
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July 30, 2008
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I like that Tam. Garbage in…garbage out. Perfect. I’m gonna have to remember that.
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July 31, 2008
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[...] How Do You Decided What Music To Let Your Child Listen To? by Brady Ruggles this is something we have been dealing with from the beginning of our marriage. i [...]
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August 1, 2008
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we have so had this conversation with our kids. they are 15 and 17 and addicted to itunes. We first had the convo when my son was walking home from school with his ipod that wasn’t supposed to be taken to school that week as he had lost his privledges and I checked the play list and emmemn emmiem (however you spell it) was playing and well I blew a head gasket. We talked about lyrics that don’t take us to places we would be embarssed or that were profane w/him now we have approved playlists before he buys any. our daughter has a deep fear of God and chooses music that for the most part is decent. We do talk a bit about music she would be okay with me listening too, thankfully she into switchfoot, toby mac, casting crowns, big daddy weave so we are a okay. its great that you have having these conversations now, you are preventing some serious heartache down the road.
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July 1, 2009
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Thank you for posting my thoughts exactly! I lay awake in bed tonight wondering how the heck to choose different songs for my 7 year old daughter to listen to who has recently had a non-respectful attitude. Her favorite (and mine)song at the moment is Black Eyed Peas “Boom Boom Pow” and I don’t know how to take that away from her! She loves to dance so I will have to pick out some good dance music which I have found hard. Any suggestions?