Why My Mom Won’t Drink Mountain Dew
POSTED IN: Childhood Memories, Randomness
If you’ve known me long enough or had the chance to stay up late at night swapping stories with me, you’ll eventually hear this one. It’s probably one of the most embarrassing, stupid, least-thought-out things I did as a kid.
My parents went out for dinner and left my brother and I at home. We were boys so there was all the usual wrestling and goofing around but after an hour or so we got bored.
I went to the fridge to see what was in there and saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew. As only a 10-year-old whose brain hadn’t caught up to his body could think of, I had an idea for a prank. What if I emptied the bottle and filled it back up with pee! (you can see why I stay up at night worrying about what my kids are going to do when they get older)
I put the top back on the bottle and put it back in the fridge. I heard my parents come home and ran upstairs listening over the balcony and snickering to myself. I waited for a few minutes until I heard the refrigerator door open.
The next thing I heard was my mom spitting and running to the bathroom to throw up. As with many of our pranks as kids, I hadn’t completely thought this one through. To say that I was in trouble with my dad would be a bit of an understatement.
When people hear that story they always ask me, What were you thinking? The simple answer? I wasn’t.
What was the worst thing you did to your parents as a kid?
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August 12, 2008
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I never did anything to my parents. I was an angel…until HS.
I did however pull a good trick on a “friend”. She had written some inappropriate things on my car using a Sharpie. She had these long beautiful nails that she had done once a week. I decided it was my life’s mission to RUIN them.
I gathered a small piece of dog poop from my yard (thanks to my basset hound Trumpet). I carefully put it under her door handle & wiped it all clean.
Then I waited. Waited for her to come out of volleyball practice. IT WAS AWESOME. And horrible at the same time.
mandys last blog post..I will not join them
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August 12, 2008
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@Mandy – GROSS!!! You were mean! I guess you made up for being an angel all in one disgusting prank!
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August 12, 2008
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Dude!
That is just wrong!
I’m afraid I don’t have any cool/gruesome stories about tormenting my parents as a kid…
Although I’ll tell you about the car drove off from my wedding in:
My wife had a fairly new Toyota Corolla that we made the horrible mistake of entrusting my (now) brother-in-law with the keys to.
When we got in that thing to drive away, there were condoms *everywhere*.
And I don’t mean un-opened condom packages.
There was a condom over the rear-view mirror… a condom over my sunglasses… over the shifter… everywhere.
The car smelled like lube for 6 months after that…
They put some energy into that one…
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August 12, 2008
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i have to say that this post was the tops! seriously, if i tried to pull something like that off, i would not be sitting here typing this now! i always seemed to get caught in the act. i was never sneaky enough to get away with stuff like that!
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August 12, 2008
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OMG that is hilarious. But yeah, what were you thinking? LOL. I probably wouldn’t have lived to tell the story lol
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August 12, 2008
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This is why I am glad I have a boy and a girl. I’m hoping that this combination will produce a little more reason. *Crossing my fingers*
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August 12, 2008
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I was too afraid of my dad to pull any pranks on them. However, I did pull plenty of pranks on others…I had to make up for the missed opportunities, here is one that I did:
I was in a sales position at a copier company. This guy in our office kept calling me from a private # and would not say anything, he would just breathe. I had to answer my phone because I was in sales and it could be a potential client. After about the 4th attempt to be funny (which he wasn’t) I went to him and revealed I knew it was him, and told him he could stop…he denied it was him at the time, even though I point blank asked him, no one else in the office thought it was funny either, so one phone prank deserves another…
I hopped online with the IWANTA company (a book where people sell personal stuff) and put in an ad for “FREE AKC Registered, Champion Blood Line German Shepherd Pups, call Lewis at ***-***-****.” (Those would be $1,500 dogs) He got thousands of calls that week. Of course he had to answer most of them, but towards the end of the week he created a voice mail that told people if they were calling for the dogs they were all sold. He never knew it was me, some of the voice mails he got were hilarious, and he never messed with me again, he suspected me but never knew it was me!
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August 12, 2008
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I’m not even sure what to say here….haha
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August 12, 2008
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Never pulled anything like that on my parents, the evidence being that I can still walk and I can speak in complete sentences. I did, however, put a live six foot black snake in my buddies lunch box one day. He is also a deacon at the church I was attending. Now who says a deacon won’t cuss?
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August 12, 2008
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I never pranked my parents, but i once threw a seatbelt at my brother, who later threw it at himself to get me in trouble. Toddlers.
Then, about 15 years later, I participated in teepeeing and forking a certain youth pastor’s lawn. =) Oh, and there was the time when a couple friends and I took fireworks at camp and set them off to wake the guys up. That ended with Jay’s sleeping bag on fire. Woops.
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August 12, 2008
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Yeah, that’s pretty funny.
Actually, I could see my 12 year old doing that to me…
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August 12, 2008
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@Kristen – You can always hope!
@Nick – that’s classic! Way to beat him at his own game!
@Jason – Holy smokes! I think I’d be cussing too!
@Abbey – Yes, you did participate in your fair share of pranks, didn’t you?
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August 12, 2008
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I never really did anything to my parents either, I suppose I knew better. As for everyone else…not so much.
I had a particularly snotty cousin that use to come to my house every morning to catch the bus. This kid drove me insane. She was constantly trying to get me in trouble, and would always chime in with her two cents if my mom and I were having a disagreement. She was only about 10 and I was in high school. I probably should’ve been the more mature person and just ignored her, but that’s just not my style.
One day I simply had enough. While in the bathroom getting ready for school I decided it would be a good idea to repay my cousin by swishing her tooth brush in the toilet full of my morning pee.
I don’t know what happen after that but she soon caught the bus somewhere else.
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August 12, 2008
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@Jason – Whoa! I would say how man that was, but I guess I really don’t have room to talk do I?
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August 12, 2008
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Brad.. that is CrAzY. Either people are to ashamed to say what they did to parents or they are had the fear of God put instilled in them at an early age.
One time my brother and I (who were early teens) called 911 and said our mom left us home alone.. She only went my grandparents house. Well when she came home there was a cop car in our driveway. You can only imagine how the rest of evening went.
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August 12, 2008
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@Adam – haha that’s awesome! I bet your mom loved you for that!
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August 12, 2008
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I lit my dads chest hair on fir once with one of those trigger lighters. He is Greek and so chest hair was in abundance and was a great accelerant for my act of bodily arson. Luckily, he was in the backyard and he jumped in the pool. He still had a huge, red bald spot on his chest for a few weeks and now that patch is all gray hair!
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August 12, 2008
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@Nick – Dude, you’re crazy!! I’ve never heard of someone’s chest hair igniting like that! lol
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August 12, 2008
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Man is that terrible! I used to drink A LOT of mountain dew – maybe in a way you’ve done your mom a favor as Mountain Dew is really unhealthy for you!
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August 12, 2008
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@Chelle – Hey, that’s one way to look at it!
I don’t know if my mom would agree with you though.
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August 12, 2008
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Brad,
First trip to your site, thanks to your visit to mine. Because of the Mountain Dew piece I am hooked.
All I can say is WOW. No other words needed.
Peed in the bottle? I am still pondering the impact of that drink by your mother..what a visual. How long before she spoke to you? Let me rephrase…how long before she spoke in coherant sentences to you?
Worst prank I ever pulled…I once used a water baloon launcher from across a parking lot to fire water balloons at a friends ice cream shop he managed in High School. It was all fun and games until the front window shattered. Needless to say, prank gone horribly wrong.
I obviously did not learn my lesson though…followed it up later with a potato gun incident in college…very long story.
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August 12, 2008
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PHENOMINAL STORY!!! I think I just peed myself reading that. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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August 12, 2008
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Brad, I’m not certain but you may be going to hell for that one. JK.
Wow – thats low.
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August 12, 2008
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such a great story i dont know if i can drink Mountain Dew any more….your poor mother.
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August 12, 2008
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@Joseph – Glad you’re hooked. Sorry it took a story about peeing in a mountain dew bottle to hook you.
@Terrace – You’re probably right. Lord, forgive me!
@Lynse – Yes, my mother deserves a medal for raising my brother and I!
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August 12, 2008
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Brad, that is horrid.
So one night, we had some good friends over to sit in the Jacuzzi with us. While we were in there, my wife got out and ran to the restroom where our friends had changed. She then proceeded to coat the inside of our friends underwear with vaseline. Later when he changed, he somehow did not notice until he had been sitting for a bit and got up. The vaseline was all over and his pants were permanently soiled. Beautiful. And a lot less of a health issue than yours
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August 12, 2008
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Oh man, that was the best laugh I’ve had in a while! I’ve been sitting in meeting allllll day long and that just did my heart some good! LOL – I have two boys, so I shouldn’t be laughing!!!!
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August 12, 2008
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I just read all the other responses and LOL! I swear I can’t think of one bad thing I did to my parents, I have 5 brothers and they were more the pranksters! Anyway, thanks again for the awesome laugh. Off to bible study! And yeah, I think I’m swearing of Mountain Dew also!
! Emily
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August 12, 2008
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I never pranked my parents. My dad would have beat us…ummm…yeah.
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August 12, 2008
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@Brent – ha ha…nice one. I just don’t understand how someone couldn’t notice vaseline in their underwear? The more I learn about Tam, the more I’m afraid of meeting her!
@Emily – Glad to brighten your day.
@Greg – I never said I didn’t get in trouble. That was probably the worst trouble I’ve been in as a kid! I don’t know that I would say it was worth it though because it just wasn’t quite as funny after the fact.
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August 12, 2008
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when i was a junior in high school my mom was just picking non stop…finally i told her to stop or she was going to get a swirly…she didn’t believe me…i’m a man of my word!!! right in front of our exchange student from brazil…”oh no jon, not your mother”…she still talks about that one!!!
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August 12, 2008
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Dang! And I thought mine was bad! Would everyone else agree that Jon Mark’s is worse than mine? Giving your OWN MOM a SWIRLY???
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August 12, 2008
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Yeah, I would much rather my mom drink my pee than give her a swirly
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August 12, 2008
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NO WAY…she didn’t consume any of my bodily fluids…WAY worse!!!
jon marks last blog post..need a little help here…!
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August 12, 2008
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Hey, during bible study I remembered something funny my little brother did to me. I had just moved back to my home city (after ending a 9 year relationship) and gave my little Brother Kris a.k.a. family comedian a key to my apartment. I was having a tough time and decided I’d go take a nice hot bath, soft music, candles, just relax. After my awesome and thought provoking reprieve, I went out to find my entire living room outlandishly rearranged! I freaked at first and then busted out laughing……that’s my Kris!
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August 13, 2008
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brad – youre a bad boy. a very bad boy!
ok. did that sound kinda motherly?
and dont be afraid to meet me. i would never repeat the vaseline prank again. ive moved up!
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August 13, 2008
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uh …that is gross, but wicked funny
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August 13, 2008
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That takes the cake! I was a perfect angel!
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August 14, 2008
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OMG! Your Mother must love you because you’re still alive to tell the story! hahahaha
*New reader here* Thanks for the laugh… I think I found you through “We <3 WP.com”
=)
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August 15, 2008
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oh
my
cow
!
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August 16, 2008
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As a ten-year-old I once played “squirt gun wars” with a handful of friends from my neighborhood. We decided to empty the guns during one of the rounds and fill them up with some of our own counterfeit Mountain Dew. We ran around squirting the kids in the face. It was the best.
True story, except that I was on the team that got squirted
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August 16, 2008
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@RyanGuard – Ewwww!! That’s pretty gross too! It would have been funnier had you been the team that was squirting rather than being squirted!
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August 16, 2008
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I used to poke holes in the middle of the toothpaste tube with a needle. The result being minty fresh fingers and palms when someone would squeeze the tube.
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August 16, 2008
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@Eric – ha ha…that’s awesome! I’ve got to remember that one.
I’m just learning so many new pranks from this post!!
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November 23, 2008
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Your Mom is furious. She is going to kill you. That says it all.
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November 26, 2008
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SANTA MARIA!!! That is insane!
mwahahahaha!!! Whatever you got, you deserved times 2.
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February 23, 2009
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I realize that this post has been up awhile but I had to comment. I came over from a link on Rachel Rowell’s blog.
As I read this I am sitting here with a glass of Mt. Dew. Now I am not sure that I can finish it….LOL
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May 1, 2009
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This is exactly why Moutain Dew should be eliminated! I will drink Diet Coke the rest of my life, for sure.
I thought Jason was the one with the history of pank pulling. Now we know who taught him!
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October 8, 2009
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The one and ONLY time I got my mom was during church. She had stood up for something while I remained inthe pew. I thought I have this REALLY pointy pencil that I think I’ll use like a tack (held vertically — point up) so that when she sits down she would hit it and jump back up…What I didn’t realize was theat when she sat on it she would NOT jump back up but rather just absorb the pain. And absorb it she did … to this day there is a little piece of lead still stuck in her backside… The look on her face while the tears were flowing down her face were enough to scar me from EVER trying anything mean ever again!
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November 12, 2009
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Yeah, that’s always been my philosophy about Mountain Dew.
If it can be confused with urine, don’t drink it.
Period.
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November 12, 2009
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I removed all the labels from my Mom’s canned goods once. We had suprise meals for months.
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January 13, 2010
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I turned the ring pulls around on the cans of drink. Who checks to see if they’re around the right way before ripping one open?
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April 9, 2010
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I wasn’t much of a prankster myself, but had friends who were the best. They took a water bottle into a public restroom at summer camp. Entering a stall next to another occupied stall, they began squirting the water into the toilet. 5 seconds later they began squirting the water all over the stall, doing their best to make sure that a bit got on the person in the next stall over.
Their note of caution was that people can get really upset at this one and come storming out before having finished their own business, so it helps to screen your victims carefully and have some bodyguards around.
Rearranging the furniture of a friend while they are away on a day trip was another one of their better pranks. Of course, one must be sure that they don’t have an alarm system and their house is easily broken into without raising the suspicion of neighbors.