7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family

7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family
19 posted on February 19, 2009
POSTED IN: Blog Posts, Culture

Today’s highly sarcastic post is my first collaborative effort. I had some ideas and turned to my amazingly witty and creative buddy Curtis Honeycutt (t) to help me out. Keep in mind, he helped write this before he got those cool new glasses. Imagine how much more creative he is now! Rumor has it he went up 10 IQ points the day he got them.

Don’t Spare The Rod

We all know that the “rod of correction” will drive the devil out our kids. If the rod works and keeps the naughties away, why be stingy with it? Give em a good whack on the behind before they go to bed. Who knows what evil thoughts they were thinking during the day that you didn’t know about?

Oh Be Careful Little Eye What You See…

Start them young on a steady diet of Veggie Tales. As they get older you’ll be able to start weaning them off that into pre-teen Christian classics like Bible Man (what’s cooler than a superhero that prays?).  Just make sure they don’t start watching The Simpsons. Before you know it, they’ll be dancing, which leads directly to listening to hip-hop music.

Find Christian Versions of Popular Cultural Trends

Culture is bad. We’re in the world but not of it which means that we need to clean up all the things our kids watch, see or do before they’re destroyed by their corrupting forces. Here are some examples:

There’s no end to the things in culture that can be made better by making it “Christian.” Even popular board games like Monopoly, Outburst and Scattegories have their Christian counterparts – Bibleopoly, Outburst Bible Edition and Scattergories Bible Edition.

Buy Them a Dog Named Goliath

Probably the best Christian claymation cartoon of all time was Davey and Goliath. Goliath could roller skate. Who doesn’t want a dog who not only talks, but also roller skates? It’s the best of both worlds, if you ask me.

Remind Them of the Danger of Jeans

Boys=Forbid Them to Wear Jeans to Church
Girls=Forbid Them to Wear Pants of Any Kind to Church

Everyone knows that Charles Darwin, not Levi Strauss during the California gold rush, was the inventor of jeans. Darwin thought that denim slacks was the natural evolution of pants. Since we boycott most of Darwin’s ideas, ipso facto, we boycott jeans at church. When it comes to girls wearing anything but modest skirts and dresses to God’s House, that’s also a big no-no. If boys find out that girls have legs, that might lead to dancing (see above for why that’s bad).

Make Sure They See You Reading the Bible.

The Bible’s pretty awesome. Pretty much everyone knows that. But that doesn’t mean your kids read it. You need your kids to see you reading the Bible so they’ll want to. Simple as that. My suggestion is that you hang out right outside their bedroom to do your daily Bible reading, and occasionally say things like “AHA!” or “THAT’S INCREDIBLE!” or even “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!” Before you know it, they’ll be highlighting verses faster than you can say premillennial dispensationalism.

Don’t Pay Them an Allowance

…but make them do lots of chores. When they complain, remind them that they’re storing up treasures in heaven. That’s how my dad got me to mow the lawn for free growing up.

If you do all these things, your kids should turn out pretty normal…anything we left out?

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 19th, 2009 at 8:33 am and is filed under Blog Posts, Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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  1. Visit My Website

    February 19, 2009

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    1 Sean B. said:

    Man! This will help me so much in selecting a proper, godly, quiet wife to bear my children and grow the kingdom here on earth.

    Sean B.’s last blog post..Sea Sew



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    February 19, 2009

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    2 Kiel said:

    Oh you guys… LOL

    Kiel’s last blog post..Norah Jones – Thinking About You



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    February 19, 2009

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    3 Brad Ruggles said:

    @Sean – Actually, you’ll need to watch for the upcoming post called “7 Keys To Finding A Proverbs 31 Woman” but here’s a hint, you’re going to want a girl who gets out of bed before you do to make you breakfast (Prov. 31:15)



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    February 19, 2009

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    4 Featured on BradRuggles.com Today: 7 Keys to Raising a Good Christian Family « Just Wallpaper said:

    [...] check out BradRuggles.com to read 7 Keys to Raising a Good Christian Family, a post by the auspicious Brad Ruggles and me. Warning: boatloads of sarcasm [...]



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    February 19, 2009

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    5 Stacy From Louisville said:

    If you really want modest daughters they must wear floor-length skirts at all times, even in the shower. Hair must be long and straight. (This also refers to leg and pit hair.) A scrunchie is acceptable but only in solid colors, but never red. Lip gloss is for hussies, as is deodorant. Above all, if you want them to go to heaven, they must marry a pastor and have their first child by 20.

    Stacy From Louisville’s last blog post..Wicky-Wicky Wednesday, video III



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    February 19, 2009

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    6 Brad Ruggles said:

    @Stacy – Excellent observations. I think I’ve met a few of those modest girls before. They reeked of…spirituality.



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    February 19, 2009

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    7 Juli Jarvis said:

    Make sure you take them to church every day of the week — no exceptions. Don’t miss any sacred concerts, youth gatherings, early morning prayers, conferences, retreats, potlucks and family gatherings of the “faithful.”

    Juli Jarvis’s last blog post..Heard, Seen, Observed, Touched



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    February 19, 2009

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    8 Juli Jarvis said:

    Oh, and tell them they’re going to make you proud “some day…”

    Juli Jarvis’s last blog post..Heard, Seen, Observed, Touched



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    February 19, 2009

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    9 Barry Rod said:

    Ok, when I saw that you linked the word “highlighters,” I was like, “What could possibly be made more ‘Christian’ about highlighters?”

    Then I clicked on the link.

    Icthus Crackers, here we come.

    Barry Rod’s last blog post..Toronto Snapshot 1: Birthday Boy



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    February 19, 2009

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    10 Beth Taylor said:

    Don’t forget those rockin Christian parody t-shirts. I believe Lanny Donaho was sporting one of the worst offenders at Catalyst this past October.

    Beth Taylor’s last blog post..Audacious Intimacy



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    February 19, 2009

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    11 Brad Ruggles said:

    @Juli – Nice additions! How could we forget the famous principle of being at Church any time the doors are open? That’s CRUCIAL to having a good Christian family.



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    February 19, 2009

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    12 Brad Ruggles said:

    @Barry – Yup, there ya go. Christian highlighters. Booya.

    @Beth – Loved Lanny’s shirt at Catalyst.



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    February 19, 2009

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    13 Curtis Honeycutt said:

    Brad, I can’t believe you allowed me to give advice on how to raise kids…I don’t have any. Right now I’m good with playing with other people’s kids…I can give them back when I get tired of them.

    Curtis Honeycutt’s last blog post..Featured on BradRuggles.com Today: 7 Keys to Raising a Good Christian Family



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    February 19, 2009

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    14 themisfit said:

    Great post. But the Parody clothing has got to be in there as well. I saw a hat at church the other day that said CK (like Calvin Klein), instead it was Christ is the King.

    themisfit’s last blog post..7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family



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    February 19, 2009

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    15 7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family « Fundy Failure said:

    [...] Christian family. Mentions some of what I talked about earlier about Christian copies. Good stuff. Click here to read. I posted it [...]



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    February 20, 2009

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    16 Heather Smith said:

    Brad, you can not forget the Christian jewlery and accessories.
    The large crystal cross necklaces with verses hiden inside, or the W.W.J.D bracelets, and even better-the fake wedding rings to show that “Yes, I am a virgin and I am 40″ ones.



  17. Visit My Website

    February 20, 2009

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    17 tam said:

    ive never been quite so happy to be doing so many things “wrong”.

    tam’s last blog post..give me your best



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    February 21, 2009

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    18 Nick said:

    I was out of town with very little opportunity to use the internet last week and I am so sad I missed this post. This is great!

    I don’t think there is a big enough focus on music in this post…you cannot just teach your children about salvation, you have to brainwash them into believing it, no matter what, with songs like, “I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N” you have to train them that we are all in the army…the…”Lord’s Army” and you have to teach them that the only book you should stand on is the “B-I-B-L-E” and that their father is not really their father, rather their dad is “Father Abraham”.

    And I must protest “Dance Praise” you have violated the 2nd Category on the Simpsons and Dancing. :)

    Nick’s last blog post..Off the Blogs: This Thursday Night



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    February 21, 2009

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    19 Sean B. said:

    @bradruggles

    …wait, you mean not every girl gets up first in order to have breakfast, coffee, newspapers and cigarettes prepared? That changes everything.

    Sean B.’s last blog post..Sea Sew



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    February 25, 2009

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    20 sexrev.org» Blog Archive » Wednesday Weekly Wire said:

    [...] 7 Hilarious Keys to Raising a Good Christian Family (religious people, don’t bother to read this!) Follow these if you dare! [...]



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    February 25, 2009

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    21 7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family |  it’s the stringers! (.com) said:

    [...] 7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family By : Brad Ruggles [...]



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    February 25, 2009

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    22 Emily Stringer said:

    What a great post. I had to copy it for my web page. Props to you man, I totally agree!

    Emily Stringer’s last blog post..7 Keys To Raising A Good Christian Family



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    November 30, 2009

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    23 In Case You Didn’t Read My Blog in 2009… « Just Wallpaper said:

    [...] Incredible Unipotamus, 7 Keys to Raising a Good Christian Family, You CAN Judge A Book By Its Holy [...]



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