Learning To Forgive…Ourself

29 posted on June 29, 2009

POSTED IN: Blog Posts, Makes You Think, Movies & TV

Last week I finally got around to watching a movie I’ve had in my Blockbuster queue for a while called Rachel Getting Married. In the movie, Anne Hathaway did an absolutely amazing job portraying a recovering drug addict who checks out of rehab to attend her sister’s wedding (fair warning, don’t expect to see the same Anne Hathaway from Princess Diaries or Ella Enchanted).

Rachel Getting Married deals with the often complex and stressful dynamics of a family that has been through personal pain. Learning to forgive and move past pain and bad decisions is a theme that is woven throughout the story.

During one scene, Hathaway’s character is sharing some of her story during an AA meeting. She said something that has been running through my head since I watched it.

I struggle with God so much, because I can’t forgive myself. And I don’t really want to right now. I can live with it, but I can’t forgive myself. And sometimes I don’t want to believe in a God that could forgive me.

I think more people can relate to that statement than we might expect. So many people keep it together so well on the outside while inwardly struggling with intense guilt and shame. As Christians, we sometimes talk of love, forgiveness and acceptance so casually that we forget that some people have a hard enough time forgiving themselves let alone believing that an all-knowing God could accept them the way they are.

Let’s remember that despite how people look on the outside, most carry burdens of guilt that we couldn’t possibly imagine. Many people spend a lifetime trying to outrun memories of a past they’d like to forget. They struggle reconciling themselves with an image of a God who isn’t mad at them or doesn’t hate them as much as they hate themselves.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing but sometimes, it’s not the easiest pill to swallow.

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This entry was posted on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 10:12 am and is filed under Blog Posts, Makes You Think, Movies & TV. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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June 29, 2009

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1 Shellie (baylormum) said:

I am an addict in recovery. My clean date is July 11, 2007. Almost 2 years. Wow. I do feel at times like I’m showing the happy face, when I really feel like I’m drowning. I am a pharmacist and my license is on probation for 5 years & I submit to random drug screens, attend so many NA meetings a week, etc. I am doing all but working. I was laid off from my last job in November. Then my husband was let go from his job. Right now the guilt creeps back in. If I hadn’t stolen drugs from my previous employer I would still be working & have income. It’s all my fault our finances suck. It’s all my fault. I know God has NEVER left me. I know God forgave me before I ever turned around & got clean.
The disease of addiction is a forever disease and constantly tries to make me feel shame & guilt for what I did. Non-addicts can have an idea of what goes on in the squirrel cage in an addicts head, but you can never truly understand the daily struggles. My obsession & desire to for pain pills is gone. God IS good and sometimes it’s one side of my brain vs. the other. I am a beautiful, intelligent, logical person most of the time, but these thoughts that creep in….
Good topic. For addicts & non-addicts. God’s forgiveness is all-encompassing. He forgives all, not just some of our transgressions. Thank goodness.

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June 29, 2009

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2 Brad Ruggles said:

Wow Shellie, Thanks for sharing that incredibly personal story of your own pain and recovery. I haven’t been where you are but we each have our own things that we’d like to forget and move past. Thank God He helped you find hope and freedom.

Thanks for sharing.
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3 Bonnie Irving said:

Wow Brad!

That was Awesome! Made me think about How Much i Miss Hearing you Preach

Bonnie Irving’s last blog post..Servolution Top 10: A Lesson From Ben and Jerrys (Servolution Group Blogging Project)
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4 Adam said:

I struggle with that a lot actually. We are our own worst critic sometimes. We are hardest on ourselves. Even after we have asked God for help and forgiveness we still beat ourselves down.

Its a bad cycle to be in… and unfortunately it is what the devil will use against me.

Thanks for the great post Brad. Speaks volumes to me

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June 29, 2009

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5 Nathan said:

Well said Brad! We’ve seen evidence of this very thing in our church too. Great reminder!

PS. I’ve had this movie in our BB queue for awhile too, I’ll have to bump it up the list.
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July 4, 2009

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6 Andy S. said:

Just viewing your site for the first time, Brad, at the suggestion of my mother.

What a great post. I loved this movie and appreciate your thoughts.

You bring up a good subject. Not just forgiveness, but acceptance – “… believing that an all-knowing God could accept them the way they are.”

I view acceptance as more basic. If we cannot accept ourselves, how can we forgive ourselves? Personally, I’ve confused the two in the past…but now recognize it as an important distinction.

Great site! Congratulations, and keep up the amazing work!