Becoming A Blog Slut
POSTED IN: Authenticity, Blog Posts
Shaun Groves shared something during the live webcast at StoryUnfolding.com yesterday that has stuck in my head. He said that in our increasingly voyeuristic / exhibitionist society we sometimes go too far with our blogs or social media outlets. By sharing too much of ourselves with too many people we become social media sluts.
Ouch. Those are harsh words (but they hurt so good).
As bloggers and social media junkies, we put a high price tag on authenticity and transparency. We love to wear our heart on our sleeve. We Facebook our fears and Tweet our temptations. We share a lot of ourselves every day. But how much is too much?
It’s interesting to read through the Gospels and note the times we find lots of information about an event (such as Jesus’ prayer in Gethsemane) versus times when we’re left in the dark (Jesus going up on the mountain to pray or staying behind while he sent the disciples out on the boat). Heck, there’s nearly 30 years of Jesus’ life growing up that we know nothing about.
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August 20, 2009
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His words stuck out to me as well. I’m still processing that one but I certainly think there is some truth in what he said.
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August 20, 2009
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That really stuck with me too. Makes me think and re-think what I’m going to say. In fact, I typed out a whole comment here and deleted it because I don’t want to share too much. I’m sure there’s a balance somewhere. Finding it will be key.
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August 20, 2009
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@Karen – You mean I’m not the only one who types out comments and then deletes them without posting? Whew!
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August 20, 2009
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I disagree with his sentiments.
Mostly because he doesn’t like that stuff already, so it feels like he’s forcing it into a theological issue as a result.
I see nothing wrong with telling anybody and everybody that I picked my nose yesterday on Twitter.
I don’t consider myself a media slut for that. I actually don’t care if anybody is even listening.
Sure some people are media whores, attention grabbers, but that is the people themselves and not the medium they use.
We hide ourselves too much as it is.
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August 20, 2009
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@MudPuppy – Thanks for jumping in on the conversation. Interesting perspective…so are you saying that there is absolutely no limit to what you will say or share online?
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August 20, 2009
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@Brad – Glad I’m not alone either – but sometimes I wonder if by not posting my comment, is it wisdom or insecurity? Maybe a little of both.
@MudPuppy – not sure I agree with a general statement that we hide ourselves too much. I think the attitude behind what is shared is important. You may not care what other people think, but others are posting every detail of their lives just hoping to be noticed.
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August 20, 2009
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I definitely limit what I say! I like being employed and I like keeping my friends and family!
But that’s not because I feel I’m being too authentic, it’s just being tactful, respectful and courteous.
I just see too many people freaking out over social media like Twitter and Texting because it’s not something they’re used to.
Reminds me of when the internet began, or the movie I watched for the first time ever last night—Footloose (don’t ask me how I went this long without seeing that). People are afraid of what they don’t know.
You can see a lot of that sort of knee-jerk reaction based on ignorance at the townhall meetings on health care. But that’s a debate for another day.
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August 20, 2009
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@Karen – I made that point myself. Those people who do that to get noticed are just those kinds of people. It has nothing to do with the medium they use.
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August 20, 2009
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I think the authentic-to-artificial ratio in our culture right now (Christian and secular alike) is so disproportionate and skewed heavily towards artificial that I am compelled to offset the deficit.
I don’t take delight in the years I spent surfing porn and “roughing up the suspect”. And I don’t flaunt it. But I’m sure as hell not going to avoid the conversations (online or off). And actually I almost always have something to say on blogs that bring up the subject because the overwhelming majority of Christians are more concerned with looking good than being good.
Transparency helps me remind myself of the man I have been, and the one I aim to be. And it helps others know they aren’t alone in their struggles.
All that being said… my transparency ends where someone else’s transparency begins. Like my wife or my kids for example. I have many epic and valuable life lessons I would love to share, but I hush up out of respect for their privacy.
peace | dewde
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August 20, 2009
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“…my transparency ends where someone else’s begins…”
That’s an excellent rule of thumb dewde. I think that’s something we can all agree on.
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August 20, 2009
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This may sound strange, but i think we can use transparency and authenticity as a fig leaf.
We see quite a bit of self-disclosure on the web and sometimes we admit a struggle without actually being honest about what’s really going on. It’s a plastic authenticity which isn’t genuine authenticity at all.
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August 20, 2009
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I do put a filter on what I post and don’t post. I agree with the rest that it is out of respect for those in my family. Some of the subject matter I really dont want to have out there for the whole interweb to know.
If I connect with you and a friendship is built then I will open up all the chapters of my life to you.
But I am guilty though of posting something and then thinking UGH.. why did I post that.. or what was I thinking.. or not thinking. I think it happens to all of us at one point or another.
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August 20, 2009
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“But I am guilty though of posting something and then thinking UGH.. why did I post that…I think it happens to all of us at one point or another.”
Nope, sorry. Must just be you.
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August 20, 2009
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I think there is some definite truth to it..but….
for someone like myself, it is a chance to share. I don’t tend to have another outlet for one on one interaction when I need to be transparent. My blog community tends to provide some of the best feedback.
As for Pastors I think this is a completely different question all together simply because their lives are extremely public to begin with.
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August 20, 2009
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Mr. Mud Puppy,
Your opinion of my opinion is based on a couple of wrong assumptions. Or, that’s my opinion of your opinion about my opinion, anyway.
Assumption #1 “Mostly because he doesn’t like that stuff already, so it feels like he’s forcing it into a theological issue as a result.” I can’t speak to what you “feel” like I’m doing. But I can speak to what I actually think about technologies you group together in your comment under the pronoun “stuff.” I love the stuff. I use the stuff. I specifically enjoy the stuff known as Facebook, Twitter and a little slice of cyberspace I like to call Shlog. I use the stuff to save lives over at CompassionBloggers.com.
Here’s the thing though: I like the baby but there are some turds floating in the water that I’m personally trying to scoop out of the tub. I’m not trying to drain the tub or toss the baby out as I “feel” you are implying. Get my metaphor? Stuff cool. Turds nasty.
Assumption #2 “Sure some people are media whores, attention grabbers, but that is the people themselves and not the medium they use.” I never said and Brad never said that the medium was inherently evil. I do think the medium, like every medium, carries an implied message with it and that message can be harmful but that’s not what Brad’s talking about in this post of his. He’s talking about, I think, appropriate relationship boundaries, differentiating between inner circle and outer circle and complete stranger levels of intimacy.
Here’s another metaphor. I had a publisher once who loved every song I ever brought to him. Every song was “AWSOME!” After a while I had to tell him that if every song is AWESOME! than no song is. The word loses it’s meaning. Same thing with relationships for me. If everyone is treated to the same level of intimacy with me, than am I truly intimate with anyone? Or do words like friend lose their meaning? I personally am learning these days that I need to keep something private, something that only God knows, other things that only God and my wife know, other things only God and my wife and my inner circle know. I can’t behave on a first date the way I would on my honeymoon. That’s inappropriate.
And this same question exists outside of technology, absolutely! It’s just that the ubiquitousness of technology and the connectivity it offers means more people are affected by our answer…or lack thereof.
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August 20, 2009
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Great input Shaun.
Love the analogy of the turds floating in the bathtub. Only question…does that mean that if you’re giving a baby a bath and see a turd floating in the water that you’ll only scoop the turd out and not drain the bathtub??? Or am I reading too much into that metaphor?
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August 20, 2009
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Struggling with this one. I think this might be one of those issues that the intention really is the key. If you are revealing your deepest darkest secrets so that your traffic soars then that is probably not the best idea. But if it is helping you and helping others, that is totally different.
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August 20, 2009
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Shaun, I’ve had to clean actual said objects out of the bathtub before — not cool.
I think that transparency is worthless if there’s not a level of accountability entrusted to those you’re being transparent with. If the only people you’re being transparent with are “facebook friends” whom you’ve never met in person and are only digitally connected, then spilling your guts may make you feel better but not actually help create space and opportunity for that person to speak into your life (although some ministry-minded people do–which is great; but most don’t, staring at those comments like turds in the tub).
I find being transparent in person with the people I have real human contact with and can (and will) hold me accountable, encourage me, and pray for me on a regular basis are the ones that I need to spill my guts to.
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August 20, 2009
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I agree with Lindsey. Motivation is key. I have to ask myself the question often: why am I sharing this? Is it sharing my story authentically, is it Kingdom-building or is it driven by a different spirit.
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August 20, 2009
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I think this is an argument that cannot be won because we all have different perceptions of what the media is about, and perception is our own realit. I cannot tell you it is wrong for you to share personal thoughts about yourself anymore than I can tell you that your feelings haven’t been hurt. Only you know that.
Ultimately, I think the key for social media is the same as every other means of communication: Are you honest and real when you communicate? Either way, I can choose to be a part of that communication or not. It’s not on you, but on me to filter.
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August 20, 2009
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As a father of 2.5 kids I speak form experience when I say punt. And by punt I mean drain the tub and finish the bathing routine with a quick shower hose-down.
peace | dewde
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August 20, 2009
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@Dewde – Dad to 2 kids…I TOTALLY agree. Nothing ruins a bath like a floater.
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August 20, 2009
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This is a tough one….I struggle with this frequently.
I think it’s easy to convince ourselves that because we are being transparent to one degree or another in our online settings, that we are achieving intimate relationships. As much as I value social media and the potential that it has, I don’t think we can ever replace what we achieve in those settings by being transparent with true face to face intimate relationships.
That being said – I often wish that I didn’t have to use some of the “filters” that I use every day for fear of offending my online peeps. Especially…dare I say, the “Christian” ones. I could be a lot more transparent if I didnt fear having to clean up the mess afterward.
The real me is far more open and raw than alot of the Christian community feels comfortable with. It’s alot easier to filter the message than catch an earful for being too real!
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August 20, 2009
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Add a little chlorine, but suffice to say, it’s ok to rinse off with it, but don’t drink the bath water.
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August 20, 2009
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I’m looking at it from the other side of the page, as the reader of this transparent stuff. There have been times when I’ve read a post that started off interesting and innocent, then delved into TMI. I don’t necessarily want that much transparency. It’s good for people to have a bit of mystery about them. Then if the relationship becomes something beyond words on the page, there are aspects of each other still left to discover. It’s also important to save little pieces of yourself for your close friends, family, and the Lord.
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August 20, 2009
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@Brad:
Now that we’ve totally butchered Shaun’s metaphor…
peace | dewde
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August 20, 2009
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Definitely just scoop it out. The rest of the water’s still good!
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August 20, 2009
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Totally agree with Dewde. The average is way to fake, but we also need to protect our families.
That said, let’s NEVER become politically correct!
Maybe it’s lame, but let me go there… what would Jesus say?!
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August 20, 2009
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More accurately, what WILL Jesus say…
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August 20, 2009
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Good point Tim. I think Jesus will say that Brad shouldn’t use words like “slut”, and that he should use really pretty euphemisms that mean very nearly, but not exactly, the same thing.
And that I shouldn’t use phrases like “sure as hell”.
And that punting when you spot floaters really is the right thing to do.
I’m pretty sure that didn’t answer your question.
peace | dewde
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August 20, 2009
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Christ will speak in relevant language without compromise in the interest of political correctness. Language evolves with culture. Truth does not.
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August 20, 2009
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It’s sort of think it’s ironic that this debate is happening on a blog…
When it comes to my personal “online identity,” I think sometimes I say too much and other times I say too little. It’s hard to know where that line is sometimes. I rely on my wife and my community of friends to help me navigate those waters. I think it’s different for different people and also for different situations…
But I really appreciated Shaun’s observations yesterday. God has used his words/songs to better me for a long time–and I’ve always appreciated that about him.
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August 20, 2009
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And crap. I screwed up that first sentence.
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August 20, 2009
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@MPT – I always love it when authors make a typo…makes me feel better about myself.
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August 20, 2009
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Funny part is I read it correctly the first time and didn’t notice it until MPT let the cat out of the bag.
peace | dewde
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August 20, 2009
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I loved what Shaun had to say yesterday. I think it goes back to a heart issue. I feel the tension of “needing” to post something “raw” not because of what God is doing in me, but because I want my unique users to go up that day. I think if your heart is to be yourself and share what God is doing in your heart for the betterment of others and the Kingdom, then that is a different story.
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August 20, 2009
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Great convo going on here. @Shaun, thanks for sharing your insights.
–Terrace Crawford
http://www.terracecrawford.com
http://www.twitter.com/terracecrawford
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August 21, 2009
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Guess I missed a lot yesterday. Jeez.
OK, Shaun, here’s the thing. I read your blog, and I subscribe to your Twitter. I’ve actually even organized you coming to my church, talked to you on the phone and set up your compassion table one Sunday. I didn’t speak out of an assumption that you didn’t like Twitter. I read it on your blog (or twitter, I can’t remember).
But perhaps you were speaking tongue in cheek at the time, and perhaps I misspoke about what I read. For that I apologize.
The major problem I have is when other people put a self-imposed limit on where I draw my lines. For some Carlos Whittaker is a social-media slut.
To me he’s a complete inspiration.
Who makes that call.
Carlos and God, together.
For anyone to call that something else is seriously missing the point of Romans 14.
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September 15, 2009
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After reading this, why am I suddenly singing…”there ain’t no good guy. There ain’t no bad guy. There’s only you and me and wee just disagree.”
Having not heard the podcast, I am not going to propose whom I think is right or wrong.
But I will speak from experience and tell you that out of the desire to be liked, I became a social media slut. And it almost cost me my marriage and my identity.
I had begun to read so many blogs. Thing is, I was always attempting to figure out how to get the followers or how to write like the person I was reading. I was so fake and wore so many masks I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore.
So I deleted them all. And tried to sort my life out. And rescue my marriage. And figure out who in the heck I was.
That being said, I have once again started writing. Mainly because it gives me peace and helps me sort things out in my head. But there is no stat counter. No comments. And I got back on Facebook. But I don’t approve everyone that wants to be my friend. And I occasionally go through and weed out the Facebook garden.
Whereas, a year ago, I needed Twitter, Facebook, Blog, Flickr, etc. for acceptance, I am fine now where I am. Controlling what is personal and what is worth tossing out to the “general” public, as it were.