My Bath & Body Works Rant

My Bath & Body Works Rant
17 posted on February 17, 2010
POSTED IN: Blog Posts

I’ve had a rant building that I just had to get off my chest.

I recently bought my wife some shower gel from Bath & Body Works. Tell me, do they absolutely have to have every scent in the entire store assaulting your nostrils when you walk in? It’s like each scent is fighting for control of your olfactory senses:

Country Apple: “Come on in! Spray me…don’t I smell like your Grandma’s apple pie?”

Blushing Cherry Blossom: “Shut up Country Apple. Who wants to smell like an apple pie?”

Pink Grapefruit: “Hey, stop picking on Country Apple.”

Seaspray: “Give me a break…everybody knows you fruits stick together. I, on the other hand, conjure up memories of the ocean wind gently carrying seaspray into  your face…”

Velvet Tuberose: “First of all, I’m pretty sure you don’t smell anything like the ocean and the last time they had the ocean spray hit them in the face they were probably spitting and wiping away salty water. Nice memory.”

Seaspray: “Hey, who’s this guy?”

Sheer Freesia: “Oh that’s ‘Velvet Tuberose.’ He’s new and every bit as pretentious as his name.”

Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin: “Ha! You’re one to talk…’Sheer Freesia?’ Really??”

Sheer Freesia: “Ummm Pumpkin, aren’t you about two seasons out of date? What are you still doing out here anyway?”

Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin: ” *sigh* I think they forgot about me. No one cares about the seasonal fragrances…”

I’m pretty sure I overheard that exact conversation during my last trip to B&BW. Then again, it may have been the delirious Midnight Pomegranate-induced state I was in.

Who I really feel sorry for is the poor employees. I’m convinced that they must stash oxygen masks under the counter to keep themselves alive throughout their shift. How else could they stay in that store for hours at a time?

Most of the time I end up randomly picking out 3 or 4 things before stumbling out of the store gasping for air.

Occasionally I’ll manage to pick up something half-way decent (purely by accident I assure you because there is no way I can smell anything when I’m in that store). This particular body wash I picked up for Lisa was called “P.S. I Love You – Spring Fling.”

Lisa likes it.
I like it.
Win for me.

It was only during one of my bored moments in the shower  (why haven’t they invented water-proof magazines yet?) that I picked up this shower gel and read the back (because of my creative and marketing background I tend to do stuff like that).

This is what it said:

“Our Signature Shower Gel is supercharged with benefits that make it the world’s best daily luxury. It has been formulated to provide the ultimate shower experience, pampering you with luxurious lather, moisturizing Aloe Very and nourishing Vitamin E that gently clean, soften and fragrance your skin. Spring Fling is a flirty blend of soft petals, sparkling water and fresh air inspired by the thrill of falling in love”

Looking for “the ultimate shower experience?” Look no further (I may or may not have tested this shower gel to determine if I was in fact missing out on the “ultimate shower experience.”)

Ok, I’ve been guilty of writing some hyped up advertising before but nothing even close to this.

A shower gel “supercharged with benefits?” For the record, the only place that verb is ever appropriate is when referring to cars.

Supercharged Mustang = Awesome.
Supercharged Shower Gel = Weird.

And how about this one – “the world’s best daily luxury.” Step aside expensive Egyptian Cotton sheets and overpriced Espresso Makers – you’ve been replaced by this $11.95 Shower Gel. Daily luxury in a bottle.

Can you relate? Do you have a Bath & Body Works rant?

Go ahead, get it off your chest. You’ll feel better. I know I do.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 at 10:21 am and is filed under Blog Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

31 Comments

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  1. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    1 Brad Gross said:

    Scent overload kills me there! I was lucky this past Christmas…Actually got in and out with my mom’s Christmas gift before the scent-overload headache set in!

    I do like some of their men’s products though. But the hell you have to go through to try and smell/try them is not really worth it.



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    February 17, 2010

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    2 Nick said:

    I pretty much agree with you on the smells. It makes my sinuses go crazy. The Yankee Candle Company is another one I can’t spend too much time in, it’s kind of the same scenario, just with candle smells.



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    February 17, 2010

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    3 Curtis Honeycutt said:

    My older sister used to drag me into B&BW. I remember getting kicked out one time because her boyfriend and I got in a scent fight. We were running around, spraying each other with that poison they call “body spray”. I am now not allowed to go within 15 feet of one…and I’m pretty happy about that.



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    February 17, 2010

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    4 Kiel Kinnaman said:

    LOL at Curtis’s comment. I’ll sometimes go to B&BW to buy hand soap, that’s it.



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    February 17, 2010

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    5 Brad Ruggles said:

    Brad – You’re a brave man admitting to using mens products from B&BW. I salute you

    Nick – Yankee Candle Company is a much lower level of hell. I get sick just walking by them…I don’t know if I could last 30 seconds in that store.

    Curtis – Interesting idea…get B&BW to file a restraining order against me…I like it!



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    February 17, 2010

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    6 Shawn Landis said:

    YES! I can totally relate.
    B&BW is pretty much an insta-migrane type of place… as a result of the scented fight scene you described above. I’ve tweeted such things previously. http://twitter.com/shawnlandis/status/7847832709



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    February 17, 2010

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    7 Brad Ruggles said:

    Shawn, Glad to know I’m not alone in this.



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    February 17, 2010

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    8 GregQualls said:

    I can’t even walk into the store. I get severe headaches if I do. I think that’s why there is always a bench located approximately 100 ft away from every B&BW.

    On a side note….$11.95….holy crap!



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    February 17, 2010

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    9 April said:

    Let me just say, that in a city of so many truly nasty smells, a whiff of B&BW is a truly welcome experience. So while that description is certainly over the top, after a walk down a Bangkok street, or a ride down the canal, I would guess that description would be closer to the truth. :)
    And, I guess it’s a girl thing, because I love that place, and every girl I know does. My personal favorite is the hand cream (like super thick lotion), which I have found more than once on sale- 3 for $20! :) :)



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    February 17, 2010

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    10 Brad Ruggles said:

    I agree that some of the scents aren’t half-bad. I just don’t like smelling them all at once! :-)



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    February 17, 2010

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    11 Rebekah said:

    Thanks for the laugh! But, how could you skip over “inspired by the thrill of falling in love?” Didn’t know that that came in liquid form.

    And…um…who gets bored in the shower?



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    February 17, 2010

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    12 Brad Ruggles said:

    Rebekah – Yeah, that was a pretty magical line, wasn’t it? Did you also notice that they combine sparkling water and fresh air into this flirtatious shower gel?

    And to answer your question…I guess I have a short attention span. Pretty much if there’s anything in the shower I’ll read or look at it. I’ve almost memorized the ingredients to my American Crew Tea Tree Oil Shampoo. Sad, I know.



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    February 17, 2010

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    13 Michael Szczesniak said:

    I straight up fainted in that store one time.



  14. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    14 Dave Wilson said:

    For most of us, visiting Bath & Body Works is the only time we get punched in the nose.

    Oddly enough, I have an aroma oriented posting on my blog today too. How weird is that?



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    February 17, 2010

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    15 chelan said:

    ok, this is sad to admit but being a former victim of bored bathing myself, I’ve actually memorized the longest word I’ve ever read…lets see if I can write it…

    “Methylcloriosothiazolinone”

    Yep. I think that’s right.



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    February 17, 2010

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    16 Rebekah said:

    Cracking up at Chelan’s comment. I’m very concerned at the level of boredom out there. Why not just get out if you’re bored? You know, read more blogs, take a walk, make funny words out of string cheese. Why stay bored in the shower…of all places?



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    February 17, 2010

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    17 sTim said:

    1) “Aloe very”? Is that the — wait for it — “supercharged” version of aloe vera?

    2) Supercharged Mustang? Yawn
    Supercharged body wash? Bit of a stretch, but 100 times more exciting than an old car.

    3) I’m with those who are saying these things about Yankee Candle instead. I’d be on board with most of what you said if you said it about that place instead. I find B&BB more subtle, as long as it’s not flowery smells.

    4) I’m with you on boredom in the shower. It’s why I periodically go out and buy/borrow shower radios/CD players/iPod hookups. They all inevitably die, and then I return to boredom for awhile.



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    February 17, 2010

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    18 Kassie said:

    I agree with April. I like Bath and Body. I also agree it can be a little overwhelming sometimes…Yankee Candle too. But Abercrombie & Fitch has to be the WORST. They make the whole WING at Glenbrook Mall REEK of whatever cologne it is that they sell! And at least B&BW and Yankee Candle smell because they’re full of smelly things they sell….A&F mostly sells clothes so they have no excuse for it to stink up the whole hallway.



  19. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    19 Brad Ruggles said:

    Wow Rebekah, I guess you’re right. There really is an epidemic of bored bathing. :-)



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    February 17, 2010

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    20 Laura Carney said:

    HILARIOUS. Hilarious. I mean, really, really funny. :)



  21. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    21 April said:

    Oh yeah, Kassie- you are totally right. That and the practically naked photos everywhere keep me far away from that store



  22. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    22 Adam said:

    One holiday season while in high school I worked at Bath/Body Works for i think a week in the stock room doing all the shipment stuff.. I couldn’t take it after the week and quit..

    Horrible horrible horrible.



  23. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    23 Brad Ruggles said:

    I give you credit dude…working at Bath & Body Works as a teenager? That’s hardcore. :-)



  24. Visit My Website

    February 17, 2010

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    24 BJ said:

    I would say something but I can’t breathe after going in the store. caugh caugh……passed out



  25. Visit My Website

    February 18, 2010

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    25 Mo said:

    sorry…I can’t rant on this one because I LOVE Bath and Body Works :) It cracks me up that most of the non-likers are guys. I dont think its a guys store. hehehee



  26. Visit My Website

    February 18, 2010

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    26 Brad Ruggles said:

    Don’t speak so fast, you haven’t been in the B&BW here in Indy…I’ve seen flies fly in the store and drop to the floor in 10 seconds. :-)



  27. Visit My Website

    February 22, 2010

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    27 May said:

    ha ha! what a great post. i can totally relate. you had me at the conversation between scents.



  28. Visit My Website

    September 21, 2010

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    28 maria said:

    UMMMMMMMMMMM bath and body works is the shittz but ummm i gotta admit i am an employee at one and its actually not thatt bad. ive been there almost a year and u just adapt to all the smells joining to together. and actally i cant even smell anything when i walk in there anymore cuz my nose is all messed anyways.



  29. Visit My Website

    December 24, 2010

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    29 Karyl said:

    I love bath and body works. It smells wonderful in those stores. What’s not to like?
    Maybe if it smelled like a guys locker room, you guys might find it more to your liking?



  30. Visit My Website

    February 4, 2012

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    30 pillow said:

    pillow…

    [...]My Bath & Body Works Rant | Brad Ruggles[...]…



  31. Visit My Website

    March 24, 2012

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    31 lime green beddind said:

    lime green beddind…

    [...]My Bath & Body Works Rant | Brad Ruggles[...]…



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