Sometimes I Feel Like A Lousy Parent

19 posted on April 19, 2010

POSTED IN: Authenticity, Blog Posts, Family

Last night I Tweeted:

I’ve got to be honest with you…some days I just feel like a terrible parent. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But sometimes I wonder if I was sick the day they handed out the parenting manuals because I feel like I’ve showed up late for a test I didn’t study for.

Yesterday morning started out ok. We all woke up late and had to leave in 25 minutes for a new church we were visiting. And so I did what any good parent would do: I bribed them.

“Ok kids, listen up…if you can brush your teeth, get dressed, brush your hair and eat breakfast in 20 minutes I’ll buy you an ice cream after church. Go!”

(I wish I could say that was the first time I’ve ever used bribery to get my kids ready for church…it wasn’t)

Later that afternoon we had some friends over. The kids played good until we heard fighting coming from the other room. It was some “end-of-the-world” problem about Emily not sharing the soccer ball with her friend. The kind of problem that make’s me want to pull a Seth Meyers, “Really!? That’s what this is about? A soccer ball? Really?!?”

I had to take Emily in the other room while our friends left so I could deal with the situation. The conversation quickly went downhill. Defiance is one quality that Emily has mastered (and probably comes by more naturally that I would care to admit).

I wish I could say that after our conversation she crawled up in my lap, hugged me and tearfully told me how sorry she was.

She didn’t.

There were some tears (but not the repentant kind) and plenty of angry looks (from both of us). Like many parenting battles, there was no real winner.

Later that night I tucked them in and prayed for both of them. Then I prayed another silent prayer as I walked out of their bedroom asking God to help me figure out this whole parenting thing for which I feel woefully unqualified for.

Parenting is just plain tough. Some days are tougher than others.

Yesterday was one of those days.

TWEET THIS

This entry was posted on Monday, April 19th, 2010 at 10:09 am and is filed under Authenticity, Blog Posts, Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

24 Comments

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April 19, 2010

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1 Michiel said:

Brad – thanks!

I too, had one of those days yesterday.

Grace & Mercy and a whole lot of Wisdom, that’s what we need.

Thanks for sharing the struggle – you’re not the only one!
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April 19, 2010

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2 Brad Ruggles said:

Ha ha, glad we’re in the same boat.

Emily’s middle name is actually “Grace.” Turns out God knew we would need some extra grace with her.
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April 19, 2010

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3 April said:

Those pictures crack me up! She sure knows how to make the mean faces! But then her smile is so infectious the rest of the time. I remember when I first met Emily and all I ever saw was mean faces. I’d see pictures Jason had taken other times and then see that she actually smiled. lol. I’m glad I get smiles from her now!
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April 19, 2010

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4 Kathy Pride said:

Ah, and you will have many more of those days…I too love the expressions. We have a defiant red head…anyway, one question I have is did they get the ice cream before things went south?

The only parenting manual we have is the Bible, and welcome to my pity party, I didn’t meet Christ till I was 41, well into the late teen years for my older two, one of whom had horrible lack of success in school, and another who fell in love with marijuana. Now, being a Christian doesn’t magically make those issues go away, but as I follow and fall more in love with Jesus, I have become much more stable in my parenting, with His principles guiding me. Our tough day last week involved having our adult son involuntarily brought to the hospital because of cryptic and overt signs that he was going to hurt himself.

We all struggle, make mistakes, but yet have hope and a fresh start, as many times as we need it, and I have needed it plenty.

My snarky and hope filled stories can be read in my newly released book, What the Bible is All About for Moms (but carries wisdom for moms, too) Peace!
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April 19, 2010

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5 bondChristian said:

I don’t have kids yet, but growing up, I had a brother who was (and still is) 17 years younger than me. So yeah, I know a small piece of that parenting pie.

And by the way, pie usually isn’t a good bribe. It’s like a Tommy gun… too messy.

-Marshall Jones Jr.
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April 19, 2010

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6 Nicole said:

I think that every parent has these moments! I know that I have had my share of days when I feel that I earned an “F”.

The thing is, we must be pretty amazing parents most of the time or we wouldn’t feel like we have failed them on occasion!

OH…. and my daughter’s middle name is also Grace! Too cool, and I must admit that I have to agree with you on extra grace!
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April 19, 2010

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7 Brad Ruggles said:

Ha ha, love that line of reasoning, “we must be pretty amazing parents most of the time or we wouldn’t feel like we have failed them on occasion.”
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April 19, 2010

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8 Dave Wilson said:

Far too often, this is what my actions and attitudes communicate to my four kids:

“Stop interrupting my leisure time with opportunities to disciple you!”

For me, nothing has me crying out for God’s grace as much as parenting.

Hang in there Brad!
Dave
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April 19, 2010

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9 Gina Burgess said:

Ditto! Hang in there. It is all worth it and you never know what will show up later when they are grown. My older daughter embraced Jesus when she was 8, then became like Jonah–running the wrong way–when she was in her teen and early twenties.

Lots of prayers and patience later, she loves Him more than ever… all because I did the best I could to raise both my daughters up in the ways of the LORD. It’s all Him.
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April 19, 2010

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10 JD said:

I wrote about parenting struggles last summer, and in the end, God showed me something unexpected… It went something like this:

(My friend and parenting mentor went in to speak with my 13 year old son about the issues we were having…) When she came back in, she sat with me in the living room, and had the same bewildered look on her face that I’ve felt on mine so many times.

As I went to bed that night, I wondered how many times God had that same look on His face when it comes to my life.

Heartbreak, frustration, sadness, disappointment, and perhaps relief.

I am not alone.

He is with me, He understands.

It’s not that I didn’t know this before, but I realized more than ever last night how much of a parallel there is between us as parents, and God as our Father.

We’re His children too, children who are a bit lost and can’t seem to find their way. Children who love Him very much, but who don’t always listen to His wisdom. Children who don’t listen to Him.

http://www.beyondmeasure.me/2009/07/god-cries-too.html
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April 19, 2010

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11 Brad Ruggles said:

Great thoughts JD. Totally true.

(btw, I couldn’t pull up that link you posted…said the blog is open to invited readers only)
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April 19, 2010

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12 Brandee said:

You’ve said what most of us are thinking. At least we should take comfort in numbers right?
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April 19, 2010

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13 JD said:

D’oh… sorry, Brad! Invite sent
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April 19, 2010

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14 Nancy Hinton said:

It doesn’t get easier. You have a long restful blink and they are 18. It’s easier to take them aside and attempt to reason with them than when you see them making choices when they are older that you fear might be wrong. Prayer is the best way to cope that I know; and it works!
I love Emily. She is going to surprise you!
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April 19, 2010

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15 Brad Ruggles said:

Thanks Nancy. She already does!
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April 19, 2010

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16 shayne said:

If you’re like me, you tend to dwell on the problem until you’ve decided that she’s totally screwed as a kid and will probably grow up to be a mass murderer.

Yeah…parenting…good times.

Seriously though…she’s what? six? seven? Take heart. Most six and seven year olds have trouble sharing at one time or another. They also have trouble listening and obeying with grace from time to time.

They’re like us…imperfect.

Lighten up on yourself…you are exactly the Dad she needs or God would not have given her to you for safekeeping. Plus…wait til she’s driving! My daughter just got her license and wow…I thought I had problems before…on that happy note I leave you to dream dreams of hormonal teen boys and cell phone bills!
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April 19, 2010

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17 dad and mom ruggles said:

It’s a good thing that you and your brother was always good. Your the perfect dad for Emily and Chloe. God picked you and Lisa for them. Not them for you.
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April 19, 2010

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18 tom hinton said:

Ok, I have two cents worth. Take your time. Discipline/Teach when you are calm. Keep consistent. Keep loving your wife. It pays off.

BTW, I thnk you and Lisa are awesome friends and parents.
Tom
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April 19, 2010

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19 Joseph said:

Welcome to “Club Dad”. Your membership card is in the mail

Tough days are part of being a parent although I can relate.

I am really going through it right now with a new position in my company and a lot of travel there has been some disconnect between my daughter and me. I used to be the every night tuck in Dad and now am the Friday-Sunday tuck in Dad which is tough and makes me feel like crappo parent.

We just have to make sure that no matter what happens, we tell them we love them and show it. In the end, it covers most all of what goes on.
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April 20, 2010

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20 Joshua Skogerboe said:

Brad – I can relate brother. Thanks for being honest. Every parent on the planet could read this and go, “yep.” God bless your family.
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April 26, 2010

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21 Marie said:

I needed this after the week I had last week I felt I had “Mastered” parenting because my most difficult child graduated last year without doing drugs, drinking or engaging in sexual activities (woohoo) well, I beat myself up the entire 2 hour drive to college to pick him up because he was kicked out last Tuesday for hacking their computer system so that him and his buddies could increase their gaming capabilities All those weekends that all his classmates were partying he was locked in his room mastering the internet, gaming and the world of hacking. I have a 19 year old son living back at home.
Parenting is not easy. We have 4 kids and I will admit to being strict and teaching strong moral values to our children. Somewhere along the way I feel like I missed something, OBVIOUSLY!!! All 4 kids have strong personalities and are very different from one another. Good luck and I really enjoy following your blog….

Marie

BTW… I was so excited on Saturday I got my first letter from my sponsor child. Thank you to all of you who blogged while in Africa it is amazing to learn so much about such an amazing organization.
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July 21, 2010

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22 Chris said:

Thanks everyone for your comments. Yes..It helps to know you are not alone.

My eleven-year-old boy spit in my face last night when I turned off the TV (because he & his twin brother were fighting). I flipped out! (Didn’t get physically abusive, but sure felt like it!) Don’t think I’ve ever been so angry. Now I’m feeling guilty for being such a poor example of how to control your temper. Of course, he is happily going forward into a new day! I’ve got to get some time with God and let this horrible feeing go…and pray for guidance. The teen years with twin boys isn’t looking too promising at the moment.
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July 19, 2011

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23 Ocie Robichaud said:

As someone whose kids are grown, believe me, you won’t remember any of these small incidences and neither will they. It is what you do consistently most of the time that counts, not the odd off moments. I hope that makes everyone feel better. I wonder, do truly bad parents ever wonder if they are bad parents? I think worrying about it a sign of being a good parent.
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October 15, 2011

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24 how to look young said:

you look young…

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