Don’t Be Someone’s “Big Mistake”
POSTED IN: Blog Posts, Church
We’ve all been burned by companies who don’t keep their word. We’ve experienced horrible customer service and managers who won’t make it right. We’ve been on hold with incompetent service reps who can’t solve our problem and won’t transfer us to someone who can. It’s frustrating…very frustrating.
Frustrating enough to make you go and do something like this:
…or this:
[images: PassiveAgressiveNotes.com]
We laugh at those pictures but we’ve all been there. We’ve all been so frustrated with a person or company that we want to print our frustrations in 95-point letters on a billboard in the middle of town for everyone to see. We’ve all trusted a company with our time, reputation or possession only to realize too late that we had made a “big mistake.”
Unfortunately, the church and many Christians who go there have been guilty of cultivating plenty of hurt, frustration – even anger…
It’s the new visitor who decides to visit a church only to be ignored by the two ladies behind the children’s ministry check-in who are chatting about last night’s small group bowling party.
It’s the neighbor who feels like a sales quota number to his Christian neighbor next door who is constantly giving him books and inviting him to church instead of actually getting to know him as a person.
It’s the hurting person who goes out on a limb and decides to join a small group in his church only to put their walls back up after discovering hypocrisy in the people who pretended to have it all together when they don’t.
It’s that caring person who decides to become a volunteer only to become burned out and overworked by church leaders who see her more as a commodity than an actual person.
Most of those people will never advertise their disappointment on their car or t-shirt…
…but they will carry that hurt and frustration with them, in many cases for the rest of their life. It’s no wonder that Paul very clearly warns, “Give no occasion for stumbling” (1 Cor. 10:32)
We have no idea what hurts or disappointments people are walking through the doors of our church with when they visit. We don’t need to add more. Please, don’t be someone’s “big mistake.”
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May 11, 2010
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um, that hits you over the head with a big board!! BJ and I have talked about being able to say Hi to people we don’t know and going out of our comfort zones to become friends with NEW people. But it’s so hard sometimes. We can get so comfortable so easily. People always have a place where they can work on
And while I’m thinking about it… I got pretty frustrated with a company that ADVERTISES that they make appointments because they know our time is valuable!!! THAT WAS A JOKE! They made an appointment that I didn’t know about the first time. And the second time I asked them to make an appointment because I have an infant they scheduled me from 1 to 5 pm.. some where in between there they’ll show up!! UGH!!!! I was so mad. I pointed out the commercial to her and she said, we can’t always do that… UGH! silliness
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May 11, 2010
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You hit the nail right on the head…Sears is the one that I won’t do business with anymore…they really made a mistake. I bought a new washer and dryer because the people who put my floor in broke my washing machine. But there was nothing wrong with the dryer. Specific instructions to NOT HAUL IT AWAY;I know lots of people who could use a functioning dryer, but no, they took it away…several phone calls later to people in ALABAMA when it is listed as the local number for my store, and I get a $75 gift card with apologies. Then when they delivered the NEW washer, sears broke that, left me a mom of four without a washer for several days and apologized for the inconvenience (reading monotone off a script). Puhleeeeeze…
But church and Christians. This is inexcusable. And so real.
Will they “know we are Christians by our love?” Not if we continue to do “business as usual.”
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May 11, 2010
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OH, and a funny (not really) PS.
I am waiting for the DISH network people to come between noon and five (great window) and on hold with Chase bank for greater than ten minutes, but they also want to provide me with excellent service. The only good thing I have to say about being on hold is they are now playing a song that I have great memories associated with!
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May 11, 2010
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If we only could learn to view each other through the eyes of God, these discussions would never be necessary.
Maybe someday we’ll learn.
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May 11, 2010
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Turns out we all have some of those “big mistakes” we’ve experienced along the way. Thanks for the stories.
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May 11, 2010
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Brad,
This could be my favorite post of yours and it rings so true.
What I do love though is this week in Nashville we saw the exact opposite…I saw Churches, people, groups and so on completely united helping one another. The effort was one of solidarity and nothing of where you were from. We had one goal and that was to help people. It was amazing and probably one of the only times in my life I have witnessed selflessness on that scale.
Side track a bit here but you have hit it on the head for sure.
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May 11, 2010
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Joseph, you’re exactly right. The love and outpouring of help in Nashville from the Church is a perfect example of everything the church can and should be.
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May 11, 2010
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This is the first time I have visited your blog. I am so glad I did! Wonderful post.
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May 11, 2010
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The sad part about this is that I don’t think any church or person sets out to be this way but might end up fighting this. As a pastor I am especially sensitive to this whole scenario knowing that we only get one time to make a first impression. Seems that no matter how hard you try there are glitches in the system. That is why (I think) it is so essential to get away and visit other churches but also try to see yourself through the eyes of newcomers. Maybe even have a non-member visit for an evaluation.
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May 11, 2010
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I needed to be reminded of this today for so many reasons. Thanks, Brad!
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May 11, 2010
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well written – I have thought about this all day
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May 12, 2010
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i’ve experienced a lot of hurt at the hands of the Church. and i know so many others have as well. it fuels my passion and desire to live and lead differently… i never want to be someone’s big mistake.
i’ve watched over the past year as dozens of people connected with Thrive (as supporters, former interns, etc.) were wounded deeply. many of them have wrestled to reconcile the polar opposites in their experiences—how do you make sense of all you learned and loved in africa when it gets tainted by deep hurt at the hands of the leader you trusted? some of them may even consider Thrive (or maybe more specifically, N…) their “big mistake”. and that makes my heart ache.
but a former intern said something to me a few months ago that was just incredible. she’d felt like what happened (with N) devalued her year with us, that it tarnished the growth and change she experienced. she questioned all that he had taught her because he’d been living in sin and deep moral failure at the time. “but i finally got to the point of realizing that i wasn’t learning from him… i was learning through him.”
there’s such wisdom and insight in that statement. and it’s a truth i need to let sink down deep inside my heart to anchor me through future hurts i’ll experience at the hands of others. because inevitably more hurts will come.
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May 12, 2010
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So true Alece. Sometimes people will get hurt and it’s completely out of our control. We can’t control how people respond to those hurts but we can love them through it. Your former intern had some wisdom there that a lot of people need to grasp.
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May 13, 2010
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You just took the majority of reasons I no longer participate in organized religion, and put it into one post. I’ve run into so many “big mistakes”, I am completely disgusted with the thought of walking into another church. I wish more churches understood what you were saying.
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May 13, 2010
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I wished more churches thought about this more too. My only advice is not to let your past hurts and experiences prevent you from missing out on something good in your future. Sure, you may have experienced some “big mistakes” at some churches you’ve been to but there are plenty of places where real, genuine people live life together the way Jesus taught.