Lisa and I were having a discussion the other day revolving around this question: Why is watching someone get slapped so gosh-darn funny? I mean, that’s gotta be demented, right? Is there something wrong with me that I’ve had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at the sight of a good slap?

What got me thinking of slaps in the first place is the season 6 premiere on Monday of How I Met Your Mother. That’s been one of my favorite sitcoms to watch lately. Anyone who has watched the show is familiar with the infamous “slap bet” that was made in season 2. Barney lost a “slap bet” to Marshall so Marshall gave Barney a choice to either get slapped ten times immediately in succession or five times available to Marshall for all of eternity. Barney chooses the five slaps, which turned out to be a horrible call because he has been afraid of when the slaps would come ever since.

Slap #4 was delivered during what Marshall deemed “Slapsgiving” and concluded with Marshall singing the song he wrote called You Just Got Slapped.

We may laugh at slaps but it’s important to remember that slap bets are no small trifle. They must be undertaken with the utmost of care and supervision. For those who are compelled to enter into such an agreement, here is the official “Bill of Slaps”

LAID OUT BELOW IS A BILL OF SLAPS TO GOVERN ALL SLAP BETS:

1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper’s hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee’s cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you’re seeing handprint on cheek, you’re doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man’s slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it’s preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee’s face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they’ve just got slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!

So remember, if you enter into a slap bet, do so in accordance with the Bill of Slaps. If you are chosen as a slap bet commissioner, please maintain and uphold the responsibilities of the office you’ve given.

Bonus: As long as we’re on the subject, check out this video on YouTube called “Super Slow-Mo Slap In The Face.”