I’ve got to be honest with you…some days I just feel like a terrible parent. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But sometimes I wonder if I was sick the day they handed out the parenting manuals because I feel like I’ve showed up late for a test I didn’t study for.

Yesterday morning started out ok. We all woke up late and had to leave in 25 minutes for a new church we were visiting. And so I did what any good parent would do: I bribed them.

“Ok kids, listen up…if you can brush your teeth, get dressed, brush your hair and eat breakfast in 20 minutes I’ll buy you an ice cream after church. Go!”

(I wish I could say that was the first time I’ve ever used bribery to get my kids ready for church…it wasn’t)

Later that afternoon we had some friends over. The kids played good until we heard fighting coming from the other room. It was some “end-of-the-world” problem about Emily not sharing the soccer ball with her friend. The kind of problem that make’s me want to pull a Seth Meyers, “Really!? That’s what this is about? A soccer ball? Really?!?”

I had to take Emily in the other room while our friends left so I could deal with the situation. The conversation quickly went downhill. Defiance is one quality that Emily has mastered (and probably comes by more naturally that I would care to admit).

I wish I could say that after our conversation she crawled up in my lap, hugged me and tearfully told me how sorry she was.

She didn’t.

There were some tears (but not the repentant kind) and plenty of angry looks (from both of us). Like many parenting battles, there was no real winner.

Later that night I tucked them in and prayed for both of them. Then I prayed another silent prayer as I walked out of their bedroom asking God to help me figure out this whole parenting thing for which I feel woefully unqualified for.

Parenting is just plain tough. Some days are tougher than others.

Yesterday was one of those days.

It probably didn’t help that I had stressful dreams all night. I just finished a novel called One Second After about an EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) that is detonated above the Continental US and plunges us back into the dark ages. And of course, I just had to dream about such a disaster happening so I spent the whole night planning how to gather food and protect my family. Doesn’t make for the most restful sleep.

I’m also still processing my recent trip to Africa. I saw a lot while I was there that I know is going to take me a while to think through. It’s not the kind of trip where you return happy and refreshed. There’s a lot of things that haven’t even really sunk in yet.

Throw in some sickness our family has been struggling with for the last few weeks and then add some discouraging news we’ve heard about family and friends lately and it makes for a pretty gray, yucky Monday. So yes, the raindrops on my window this morning felt very appropriate.

I always hate writing these kind of soul-baring, authentic posts because it seems people always manage to read into it. No, I’m not struggling with depression nor am I comparing myself to people who are. And, since my business and clients are usually connected to my blog I always get the concerned emails from people wondering if I’m ok (translated: are you still going to be able to finish my project?). Yes, my business is just fine.

For me, my blog is a good place to practice being real. Like most of you, I spend too much time hiding behind trite, pre-programed replies.

How are you doing?
Great! You?
Doing good. Thanks for asking.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we need to pour our guts out to the cash register at the grocery store when they ask us how we’re doing. But we all need to have people we can unload on. We all need to be able to be honest with someone when our day sucks.

Galatians 6:2 tells us to “share each other’s troubles and problems” and encourage one another. It helps to have someone else pulling for you and to know you’re not alone.

So feel free to unload here. What are you struggling with? How can we pray for each other?

I laugh, but I can totally relate because I’ve said my fair share of stupid stuff. I’ve just been fortunate enough not to have them captured on video (my blog-buddy Blake Bergstrom wasn’t so lucky).

When was the last time you ate a foot-sandwich?

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time…

How often do we have this hyped-up idea of what ministry is going to look like only to find out that a lot of the time it can feel, well, like a job.

Some people think Pastors receive their message each week by divine revelation when most of the time there’s hours spent staring at a blank screen trying to find the best words to say what’s on their heart.

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time.

The truth is that worship leaders often spend a lot more time writing arrangements and organizing band practices than they do in worship.

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time.

Missionaries don’t walk out their front door in the morning to find 20 people waiting there ready to accept Christ. Most of the time they’ll go weeks or even months with no visible fruits for their labor.

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time.

Filling out paperwork for your 501c3 and signing rental agreements is as much a part of planting a church as prayer services and Bible studies.

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time.

Youth Pastors sigh when their youth group can’t even remember what the message was about last week but they can quote the entire Napoleon Dynamite by heart.

Things don’t feel spiritual all the time.

It’s easy to romanticize our walk with Christ but even the best of us have days when we feel very unspiritual. It’s on those days and every other day in between that we need to remember that God is just as much at work in the “valley of normal” as he is on the “spiritual mountaintops.” It’s all part of the journey. And on our journey…

…things just don’t feel spiritual all the time.

I grew up in a strict, legalistic environment that placed a high value on outward appearance – how you dressed, what you said, what you listened to, etc.  I wore suits to church (3 times a week) to dress my best for God. We didn’t have a television for the majority of my childhood because of the “worldly influence.” I only listened to very conservative Christian music because I was taught that all the other music would lead me away from God.

In short, I was a good little Pharisee.

Losing My Religion

In my early 20’s I slowly began to shed the trappings of legalism. I began to see that God was so much bigger than the little box I had kept Him in. I started to experience the joy of freedom and grace and let me tell you, it was awesome!

I traded in my suits and ties for rock star shirts and ripped jeans.

I went back and watched some of the movies I had never gotten to see growing up.

I traded in my hymns for something with a little more kick-drum and electric guitar.

I realized that God was more concerned about my heart than how I looked on the outside. He wanted relationship, not religion.

The more I began to experience of God’s grace the more I reacted to and pushed away from the legalism I grew up in. I wanted nothing to do with the Christian sub-culture of “Christian t-shirts” and cheesy bumper stickers. I even began to poke fun a bit…I wore a shirt that simply said “CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT” (I have to admit, it’s still one of my favorite shirts).

I determined if I ever planted a church that “Authenticity” would top the list of our core values because if you’re not being authentic, you’re one of “them.” And by “them” I mean the people who go to church every Sunday wearing suits while turning up the Christian radio in their Christian-bumper-stickered-car to drown out the fighting.

I have visited churches in the past couple of years and chosen my wardrobe solely to “test the waters.” Would my holey jeans and t-shirt get a reaction? I wish I had a tattoo I could flaunt…what would they think of that? While I might not have expressed my intentions quite so blatantly if I were asked, the attitudes were definitely under the surface.

Reality Check

And then a couple of weeks ago we were visiting a church (I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt of course) where the message was about modern-day pharisees. I was totally tracking with what he was saying because if there was one thing I couldn’t stand it was a person who tried to dress, talk and act a certain way to prove their relationship with God.

And then the pastor said something that hit me like a ton of bricks:

“God is no more impressed with our t-shirts than our ties.”

Wait a minute, he meant to say “God is no more impressed with our ties than our t-shirts” right? Because I’m wearing a t-shirt at church which proves how authentic I am…..

Oh.

Without realizing it I had traded in one form of hypocrisy for a newer, hipper kind. I had developed a self-righteous authenticity that caused me to look down on anyone wearing a suit or singing hymns. My faith was more real, more “authentic” than theirs.

I was just a different kind of pharisee.

I had fallen back into the same trap I had tried to avoid for so many years – I had started to act like God was somehow impressed with how “authentic” I looked on the outside.

“Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with looks and stature…God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the outside; God looks into the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

Authenticity is a funny thing. God desires it, but He doesn’t need it. He already knows us from the inside out. We can’t keep secrets from God. Authenticity is more about how we act with each other. It’s important to be “real” with each other but if we’re not careful, our authenticity can turn into a badge that we wear. God hates masks…but he also hates badges.

Don’t let your hipster jeans, modern worship bands or iPhone bibles fool you into thinking that you’re somehow closer to God than the suit-wearing guy sitting in the pew.

Maybe this is just something I’ve struggled with. But if any of this resonates with you too, then my prayer is that we can strip away all self-righteous “authenticity” that gets in the way of a genuine relationship with God.

Time for a little self-examination and honesty. Here’s mine…

I WISH sometimes that I had a lot of money and lived a life of ease and luxury
I AM actually enjoying the life that I’m living right now
I WILL BE dead and buried in 70 years so why do I keep chasing after the things that won’t last?

I WISH I had the six-pack abs and well-toned physique
I AM someone who works behind a computer all day so go figure
I WILL BE as strong and as fit as I have the discipline to be

Your turn…

I Wish…I Am…I Will Be…

Why are Christians so desperate for the approval of the culture we live in?

That’s a question I’ve been thinking about as I’ve been reading this book. So many churches and Christians today spend a great deal of time wondering and worrying about how to be more “culturally relevant.” We want to be “undercover Christians” – secret agents that infiltrate culture without anyone noticing.

We try to blend in…

We have all kinds of buzzwords in church circles today about how we want to interact with culture – we want to engage culture, impact culture, if we’re really ambitiously evangelical we want to transform culture. Those are all excellent things and there are some amazing churches today doing just those things and reaching many people.

What we forget is that every time we interact with culture, it changes us too – we can’t evangelize in a vacuum. If we’re not careful we begin to allow culture change our worldview instead of the other way around. We’re not called to blend into culture but to enter it and call people from darkness into light. We love them and engage them where they’re at but we have to call them to something more.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. – Romans 12:2 (The MESSAGE)

Granted, it is my job as a parent to teach my kids how to take care of themselves and not be slobs, but I realized something: I cared very much about how we looked walking through the store, Emily didn’t. She was just happy to be out spending some time with her dad regardless of what others thought of her.

When the disciples asked Jesus who the greatest person was in His kingdom, this was Jesus’ reply:

So he called a little child to him whom he set among them. Then he said, ‘In truth I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. And so, the one that makes himself as little as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.’ (Matthew 18:2-4)

Emily wasn’t conscious of how she looked. She wasn’t concerned about others’ opinion of her. I was the only person whose opinion mattered to her and she already knew that I loved her no matter how she looked.

Something to think about next time we’re getting all worked up about what others are thinking or saying about us. We already have the love and approval of the only one whose opinion really matters. He loves us just as we are, messy face and all.

I don’t know about you but I find it way too easy to get hung up on past successes, especially when I compare them against where I’m at now. For some reason we think that God’s preferred  method of growth is a steady 45 degree angle up with each success building on top of the last one. each opportunity followed by an even better one.

But what happens when our success is followed by a failure…and then a closed door…and then another? What do we do when the “good old days” become the “better old days” and we begin to wonder why God isn’t blessing now like he was then?

From Bad To Worse

The Israelites wondered the same thing. They went from captivity in Egypt through the desert to Jerusalem. They lived through the glory years of King David and saw King Solomon build the temple, which by Biblical accounts was a sight to behold. Then Jerusalem is destroyed and Israel is again led into captivity in Babylon.

After decades of captivity in a strange land they’re finally ready to return to Jerusalem. But there were tears instead of cheers as they returned home and saw their beautiful temple in ruins. They rebuild it but those who were old enough to remember the former temple couldn’t help but feel sadness for all they had lost.

Is there anyone here who saw the Temple the way it used to be, all glorious? And what do you see now? Not much, right?
Haggai 2:3 (The Message)

They weren’t in Babylon any more. But they weren’t really home either.

The Night Is Darkest Before The Dawn

The sunset on their past blessings turns to night as Israel enters a period of over 400 years of prophetic silence (the chronological span between the book of Malachi and the beginning of the New Testament). The night really was darkest before the dawn because during those 400 years Israel was conquered and occupied by the Roman armies. This time their captivity came to them in their own land.

Who then can wonder at the hesitation of the Jews to listen to this upstart carpenter from Galilee when he told them that “the downtrodden will be freed from their oppressors, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” (Luke 4:18-19) Really? The Lord’s favor is here?

It was into this dark time of hopelessness that God chose to send his son with the message that the Jews had been waiting for thousands of years to hear.

Sometimes we’re right where God wants us to be but for some reason it doesn’t feel like home. We’re surrounded by reminders of what God has done in the past and wonder what in the world He’s doing now.

But maybe He’s not done with you. Maybe He’s trying to close a chapter in your life that we want to keep it open. Maybe He wants to close that chapter so He can write a new one.

Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (The Message)

It’s slightly ironic for me that I was on a panel discussion this past weekend for services at Grace Community Church discussing this very topic. We talked about how difficult it is to grow in your relationship with God in the midst of all of the technological distractions that abound today.

I’m in one of those busy seasons of life right now. I can feel my margins closing in on me. I know that I need to find some balance.

How do you know when your margins are too thin and your life is too hectic? Here’s a good rule of thumb. Compare this passage from the Bible to your life right now:

The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 23 (New Living Translation)

When we read that passage we tend to respond with either “yup, that’s me” or “yeah right…I wish.”

I’m not saying that life will ever be free from stress. We’re always going to have times in life where responsibilities pile high and challenges knock us down. David had his own problems (walking through valleys of death and eating in front of his enemies don’t sound like fun to me) and yet he was able to find peace and rest in the arms of his shepherd.

I’m not there right now. There are no green meadows or peaceful streams in my life at the moment. But I want there to be. I want the peace that comes with walking closely with my shepherd.

What about you? How’s your margins?