Nov

7

CONFESSION: I Take My Marriage For Granted

Post Category: Authenticity, Blog Posts, Confessions 


** this post is part of my Confessions series. Be sure to read this first **

Lisa and I have a good marriage.

By some definitions it could be considered a very good marriage.

We’ve taken steps to ensure that we don’t fall prey to some of the many pitfalls that couples face. We have disagreements but we always try to resolve them as civilly as possible. We’ve made a commitment to not take our frustrations with each other to bed without addressing them. We don’t yell or scream at each other or say mean and hurtful things if we’re having an disagreement. Our children know we love each other and feel very secure about our relationship.

Like I said, we have a good marriage.

But that’s just the thing. Our relationship is good so I have a tendency to take that for granted and forget what made it good and what we can do to make it better.

I think I’ve become pretty complacent in my relationship with Lisa. I’ve taken what we have for granted. I’ve taken her for granted.

I don’t want to just settle for a good marriage. I want a great marriage.

Good is the enemy of great and relationships are no exception. It’s way too easy to just keep coasting along and let things slide. Leave well enough alone. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And if I really am honest with myself I think that’s where I’m at.

Good marriages can sometimes happen all on their own if the right two people are compatible and aren’t naturally confrontational. Great marriages require intentional, consistent work.

I’m not going to tie this post up with a neat little bow because I don’t think there’s a 1-2-3 solution to making a good marriage great. It’s going to take time and effort. But it’s something I’m committing to work on.

So there you have it. That’s my confession.

Can you relate?

Aug

28

CONFESSION: I Care Way Too Much About What Other People Think Of Me

Post Category: Authenticity, Blog Posts, Confessions 

The reason I chose this as my first confession is because most of my other confessions come back to this one in some way or another. Be sure to read this first.

We’re taught from an early age to ignore the kids who tease us at school. “Their opinion doesn’t matter,” we’re told but when you’re the one facing ridicule it does matter. A lot.

I wish I could say that I’m confident enough in who I am as a person to never waste time wondering what people think or say about me. Unfortunately that’s not true. When I meet someone for the first time I can remain cool and collected but often times during the conversation but sometimes I catch myself thinking things like

  • Am I overdressed or underdressed compared to them?
  • Are they engaged in the conversation or am I a distraction?
  • What did they think about the comment I just made? What if they disagree with me?
  • Am I making a good impression?

Wondering what other people think is magnified ten times when I’m speaking to a crowd. If they’re honest, many pastors will tell you that Sundays are an emotional roller coaster. I don’t think there’s one message I’ve shared where I haven’t asked myself…

  • Did I say too much? Not enough?
  • Did I hit that point too strong?
  • Was I too offensive? Too soft?
  • Could I have worded that different?

Before I give you the wrong impression let me assure you that I don’t spend my evenings curled up in a corner biting my nails asking, “Does anyone like me?” I’ve learned to be confident in who I am in spite of other people’s opinions. Part of growing as a leader is being able to make the tough decisions that go against the status quo. However even the best leader will tell you that those decisions are never easy.

I think if everyone were completely honest we all struggle with what others think of us. We struggle because deep-down, we all want to be liked. Nobody wants to be the butt of criticism or contempt. Whether we admit it or not we all desperately crave the approval of others.

So there you have it. Whether I’d like to admit it or not, I have this “people-pleaser” side of me that’s constantly second-guessing what I write, how I look and what I say. I care way too much about the opinion of people whose opion really doesn’t matter.

Do you have this problem?

Aug

28

CONFESSIONS - Read This First

Post Category: Authenticity, Blog Posts, Confessions 

Dear Reader,

As I prepare to write the first post in my new Confessions series, I wanted to write a disclaimer of sorts so you would know where I’m coming from.

The Confessions series is a place where I can peel back the layers of who I am. It’s a series of posts where I can be brutally honest about some of my worst fears, failures and flaws. I’m not blogging about this in an attempt to be controversial or get lots of hits and I’m certainly not proud of some of these attributes.

These struggles represent some of my worst aspects or most embarrassing characteristics but they’re only small facets of who I really am. I am a work in progress. God is working in my life on a daily basis to transform me into the person He created me to be.

In the meantime though I battle these thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. This passage from Romans 7 best sums up what these posts are going to be about.

“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart.  But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me” (Romans 7:15-23)

So this is my life. This is who I am when I take the mask off. These are the things I struggle with. These are the battles I fight. Sometimes I win. Many times I lose.

Hopefully you’ll see yourself in some of my struggles and remember that we’re all in this together.

Sincerely,

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