What got me thinking of slaps in the first place is the season 6 premiere on Monday of How I Met Your Mother. That’s been one of my favorite sitcoms to watch lately. Anyone who has watched the show is familiar with the infamous “slap bet” that was made in season 2. Barney lost a “slap bet” to Marshall so Marshall gave Barney a choice to either get slapped ten times immediately in succession or five times available to Marshall for all of eternity. Barney chooses the five slaps, which turned out to be a horrible call because he has been afraid of when the slaps would come ever since.

Slap #4 was delivered during what Marshall deemed “Slapsgiving” and concluded with Marshall singing the song he wrote called You Just Got Slapped.

We may laugh at slaps but it’s important to remember that slap bets are no small trifle. They must be undertaken with the utmost of care and supervision. For those who are compelled to enter into such an agreement, here is the official “Bill of Slaps”

LAID OUT BELOW IS A BILL OF SLAPS TO GOVERN ALL SLAP BETS:

1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper’s hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee’s cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you’re seeing handprint on cheek, you’re doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man’s slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it’s preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee’s face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they’ve just got slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!

So remember, if you enter into a slap bet, do so in accordance with the Bill of Slaps. If you are chosen as a slap bet commissioner, please maintain and uphold the responsibilities of the office you’ve given.

Bonus: As long as we’re on the subject, check out this video on YouTube called “Super Slow-Mo Slap In The Face.”

100 Ways To Love A Cat

So…how long did you make it before you shut it off?

Seriously though, how bad would you freak out if you thought the pilot of the little plane you were in had passed out? Poor guy.

One of my favorite things bout Comic-Con every year though are the completely random photos that show up online during the event. After all, when you have a couple of thousand Stormtroopers, supervillans and comic book characters walking around there’s bound to be a few good photo opps, right?

Here’s a few of my favorites. Feel free to leave a comment with your captions for any or all of them.

Leave a comment below with your caption for any of the photos above.

Do-It-Yourself Coffins

Wow, that’s pretty morbid, isn’t it? I’ve only heard of people building their own coffins in horror films. Then again, I have to give props to whoever came up with the subtitle, “A book for Woodworkers who Want to be Buried in Their Work.”

How To Have Sex In The Woods

Ummm….is it really that complicated? According to the inside flap of the book, yes it is. Here are just a few of the questions you probably have never considered before getting frisky under the stars:

• What sex essentials should be part of your first-aid kit?
• What kind of camping equipment provides particular comfort for two?
• What are the effects of the elements on condoms, spermicides, and other contraceptives?
• How do you find that perfect spot for your love den?
• What about foreplay, personal hygiene, and protection from pesky plants or adverse weather conditions while you’re exposed?

If you’re planning on a little nookie during your next camping trip and don’t have the answer to any of those questions above, this book is for you. For your kids’ sake though, please pack it somewhere where they won’t find it.

Microwave Cooking For One

Saddest…cookbook…ever.

How To Avoid Huge Ships

Don’t laugh. Think how many maritime collisions could have been avoided if more people had read this book. And besides, it must have been pretty good in order to warrant a second edition. You have to account for…umm, huger ships and stuff.

How To Start Your Own Country

Yes! You too can start your own country! Seriously though, there could be some advantages to starting your own country. For example, anyone could place and compete in an Olympic sport and make it to the Olympics. Plus, you could write your own laws – I think I would outlaw reality television and make Freebird the National Anthem.

How To Be Pope

Wow, talk about a niche audience! Then again, if you ever do become Pope, I suppose it would be helpful to have a manual.

What crazy books have you come across that could be added to this list?

Understand the risks you take when you leave design decisions up to the general public!

Case in point…Oregon’s The Portland Mercury put that responsibility in the hands of its readers, letting them take a poll to choose what should appear on the cover of their weekly magazine. Artist Andrew Zubko was then asked to bring it life. So what’d they vote for? A metal bikini-clad Betty White holding a flaming chainsaw riding John Ritter of course. And not just any John Ritter. Centaur John Ritter.

Epic.

Granted, The Portland Mercury was probably going for something a little off-the-wall on this design contest cover judging from the options available in their poll. Because seriously, if given the choice, who wouldn‘t want to see Betty White in bikini holding a flaming chainsaw above her head while riding John Ritter Centaur?

I can’t decide if this image is just wrong or epically awesome. You decide…EPIC? or EPIC FAIL?

A few years back Lisa and I had been talking about whether we should be done having kids. Lisa had really tough pregnancies and both of our kids were colicky and had allergy issues when they were babies. As much as we loved children we came to the realization that the two wonderful girls that God blessed us with were more than enough to keep our hands full for now.

That being said, I still hadn’t gotten around to actually taking the drastic step of having the old “snip-snip” done. We just took the necessary precautions to avoid an “oops.”

So one afternoon a friend from church came over the house to visit. This friend was several months along in her pregnancy which gave Lisa a horribly evil idea. She had her pee in a cup (I know…gross, right?) and then she hid it in our bathroom. Later that evening as we were getting ready for bed she informed me that she was late and wondered if she might be pregnant. We usually kept a pregnancy test or two lying around so I told her to go take one so we could know for sure.

Every couple does this different but our routine was that she would pee on the stick and then leave the pregnancy test on the top of the toilet and then 3 minutes later I would go in and tell her what it was. This time however, instead of her peeing on the test stick, she used the hidden stash of pregnant pee (again….ewww).

After 3 minutes I go in and instead of seeing a negative I see a strong, clear positive. I was completely caught off guard. The sleepless nights, dirty diapers and screaming babies were still too fresh in my memory. After I picked myself up off the bathroom floor I stumbled into the bedroom, put on my best face and informed Lisa that we were going to have another baby.

I was in too much shock to notice the smile Lisa was trying to hide as she watched me suffer. She swears she only let me go for a minute or two but it felt like 2 hours. She finally told me what she had done and I realized I had just fallen for the best prank ever.

I scheduled my vasectomy the very next day.

What’s the worst prank someone has ever played on you?

According to a recent article in WSJ more manufacturers are designing beds that cater to guys with features like iPod docks, laptop hookups and retractable flat-screen televisions.

Today, bed options (or “sleep systems” as they’re more appropriately called) range from high-tech to the unique and comfy. Do you sleep best gently swinging in a hammock? The Le Beaonock might be a good alternative to the traditional mattress and bed frame (I don’t see myself ever buying one but man would I love to take a nap in it!).

Or if retractable televisions, iPod docks and individual adjustable mattresses are more your style, the Executive might be for you.

What would your pimped out bed look like?

Take 10 seconds and let me know the last song/artist you listened to on your iPod, CD player or radio (TV, movies & commercials don’t count).

But be honest. If I caught you listening to Jonas Brothers in your car when you thought no one was listening, it’s time to fess up.

BEFORE: Assorted White Castle sandwiches & sides

AFTER: Tapas de Castillo Blanco

BEFORE: Burger King Croissan’wich & Ham, Egg & Cheese biscuit meal

AFTER: BK Quiche

BEFORE: Popeyes Chicken Meal with Sides

AFTER: Spicy Chicken Sushi

BEFORE: Dunkin’ Donuts Boston Cream & Strawberry Filled

AFTER: Boston Krème Brûlée & Fruit Tart

Who knew fast food could look so good?